Today we’re dealing with guest list dilemmas again. We have a reader who, along with her future husband, is paying for her wedding. Her future in-laws, however, have sent along a much bigger guest list than can be accomodated. Is it acceptable to tell her FMIL that she must pare down the list and simply send wedding announcements to those she cannot invite? What are your thoughts?
Yes, I think its fair to limit the amount of people the FMIL invites. If she were paying for the wedding – then, she has more cause to invite whoever she likes, but she’s not. She needs to respect your budget and your choices of the people that YOU AND YOUR FIANCE would like to invite.
That being said – she will be family soon. Tact is the key here. And make sure that you and your fiance represent a single front to her. You don’t want her thinking that YOU are limiting people that she thinks are special to your Hubby to be.
Absolutely. However her fiance should tactfully address this with them and let them know how many people the budget allows for and the number of guests that they can add to the guest list.
It is likely that they don’t even realize they are causing stress or an issue unless of course they were already informed on how many they could invite.
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I think it’s perfectly acceptable to ask the FMIL to tone the list down. However, it is neccessary to tread lightly. I would have fiance have a talk with his mother to explain the situation.
I know from firsthand experience it can be difficult to explain to people your limitations when you are paying for the wedding yourself.
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I totally agree! It is hard to limit the guest list, no matter who is paying. But, there are limits to money and space. The couple needs to make this clear to the family in a way that is not insulting.
definitely!! I don’t mean to be ugly when I say this, but…if the FML is not helping pay for the extra guests coming along, then I say it’s perfectly acceptable to let her know your guest limit and ask if she can pare down the list. and I would hope she would be nothing but understanding!! :)
we’re in the same boat as far as paying for a lot on our own, so while it may be difficult, you have to realize that you can’t invite absolutely every last person you would love to include. and maybe the FML just needs a little nudge in the right direction!
hope I helped!
.xo. Jenn
It’s hard, especially because there are feelings involved. But, that being said, since you are paying for the wedding yourselves, it should be up to you two as to who will be invited. I think you could politely tell your FMIL that you only have the budget for so many people, and you really can not go over that number. You may let her know that you are really sorry that you can’t invite everyone you would have liked to.
Hopefully, that will work. If not, maybe consider moving far far away from her….. ;-) Joking
Absolutely. You can handle it with kindness, but any reasonable person would understand the limitations based on space and finances. When parents take children on vacation, they don’t let the children invite anyone they want. If they can say no, why can’t you? It’s not rude to me.
Maybe ask the FMIL “We know how important these people are to you and we would really like to invite everyone, unfortuntly, our max guest list is such and such. I know how much these people mean to you, so perhaps you could help us offset the cost of inviting these people so it can include as many people as you would like.”