tra·di·tion: \trə-ˈdi-shən\ cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions
Posted in davash, the planning process by davash
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about tradition. At every turn in the wedding planning process, I find a friend or relative completely aghast at my choice not to wear a veil, not to throw a bouquet, not to have a first dance, not to have a cake-cutting. To me, certain traditions are very important: the ceremony itself, the ceremony music, having a wedding in the first place. Beyond that, however, I want people to have fun, and I’ve designed my wedding to be unstructured, unstuffy, and anything but a rote continuation of tradition for tradition’s sake. And as far as I’m aware, my wedding will still be legal and valid no matter what I am, or am not, wearing on my head. However, many people seem to have very strong feelings to the contrary.
I’m hoping this blog post will turn into more of an informal poll: What makes a wedding fun? Are you disappointed to find out that a certain bride and groom have elected to omit certain “traditional” elements? What are the must-have, can’t-live-without wedding elements? Please discuss in the comments below.
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my best friend got married over the summer. she didn’t have a wedding party, a veil, a garter toss, a first dance, a bouquet toss…. none of that. and it was gorgeous. (for proof, look at the pictures:
http://flickr.com/photos/ender/sets/72157601422796294/
and
http://www.flickr.com/photos/intermittent/sets/72157601406377251/ )
it was one of the most personal and lovely weddings i’ve ever been to. they planned it in six months, didn’t stress over any details or extensive DIY projects, and just focused on enjoying their families and each other. i felt honored to be there.
that said, i did miss one thing: music. the reception was dinner/dessert only, and it was a dry party. i didn’t miss the alcohol one bit, but i did miss the dancing. as it turns out, so did her teenage nieces and an impromptu dance party broke out later in the evening.
We recently attended friends’ wedding that did exactly what you are thinking. Had a beautiful ceremony, and thew a party, and threw “traditions” out the window. No cake cutting, no special dances, no bouquet toss. No complaints from the guests!
I as a bride to be (spring of next year) I am making the same decisions you are. I’m not a huge veil must have person, but when I was trying on my dress I tossed on a veil and, for me, it made the difference between being a beautiful dress I loved, and being my WEDDING dress. Just make sure you do try a few on with your dress to make sure that you aren’t missing out.
We have also decided that the first dance and a mother-son /father-daughter dance will be included just because we really love them.
Cutting out traditions is fine if they just aren’t yall. Just don’t cut them out BECAUSE they are traditions and it might seem old fashioned.
Thanks, Renee and Nicole, for reminding me why I am doing all of this. Of course I would never eschew tradition just for the sake of being “alternative.” I don’t hate tradition in any way, and I’m not a rebel bride. I’m just more laid-back, and I was genuinely surprised to encounter opposition to my laissez-faire wedding planning. It’s encouraging to know that some of your favorite weddings have been very much like mine. My desire is to have my wedding stand out in my guests’ minds the way your friends’ weddings did! If I can do that, veil or no veil, I’ll be very happy. But like you, if I do something, be it wear a veil or dance with my dad, I want it to be because it was meaningful to me, not because it was meaningful to Emily Post.
- Davash
Ooops, I mean Michelle. I had a “Renee” on the brain.
For me, I find the most incredible part of a wedding the fact that for one day in your life, you are surounded by as many of your friends and family as possible (and for the most part, they are all getting along…) Honestly, how often do you get to be in the same room with all of those you love all at once? How often does that happen? As a wedding designer/planner I of course get caught up in all of the details all the time, the look and feel of it all…everyone wants to create that amazing day - but what’s most important is all of those people are there to celebrate YOU.
We did things that were important to us and the rest were left in the dust. No “here comes the bride”, no garter or bouquet toss, no something borrowed or something old, no cake (there were cupcakes instead). When talking to friends and coworkers after it al they had no clue we omitted it all.
I just figured the only real important thing about the day are the vows you profess and the friends and family to celebrate with. The rest of all that just seemed frivolous in the grand scheme of things.
I totally agree with making a wedding personal. I actually think of myself as a pretty traditional person, but when I started envisioning my wedding I really delighted in the idea of making it all about us, and our guests, rather than about rules, traditions or the “it’s how it’s always been done” mentality. It just doesn’t always make sense for us. I definitely want a bridal party, but I want an untraditional ceremony, with my guests in an unique seating pattern. I’m trying to ignore the people who chime in with their tradition “guidance”. My instant response is: “Don’t worry, it will be really fun!” You just have to go with what feels right to you!
I read this blog post about “Tradition” and literally welled up with tears. Finally, FINALLY someone else understands!
My fiance and I are older (in our late 30s) and have very strong ideas about what is/is not important to have at our wedding next year.
What we want: to get married!
And to have a fun party with our nearest and dearest family and friends. It’ll be a small but festive gathering of about 55 or 60 people.
What we DON’T want: pretty much everything the wedding industry pushes down bride’s throats: petal toss, aisle runner, unity candle, candy buffet, Photo booth, garter & bouquet toss, a lounge, GOBO, custom uplighting, hi-lo centerpieces…. none of that is important to us.
I know our day will be filled with laughter, tears and cheers. And like others said - at the end of the day, we’ll be husband and wife! And we couldn’t ask for anything more than that.
I´m getting married on Saturday and a lot of eyebrows were raised at some of our unconventional ideas - green dress, no viel, no bouquet, no ring for the Groom because he´ll never wear it anyway…I´ll let you know how it works out!
A funny toast followed by a sweet one that make you cry (even when you are the photographer).
Forgot—I say get rid of the whole toss thing, it always breaks up the dancing vibe. Although…it is a good time to have a shot at winning $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos! Someone always makes a fool of themselves.
These days it seems some of the fun of designing your wedding is reinventing old traditions and making up new ones–that fit who the two of you are. The one thing I really want at my wedding is a Quaker-type wedding certificate that all can sign. No where is that in our family traditions but there you have it. Also, I’m thinking about the many ways the wedding can create a new tradition of giving back–to family and community. We’ll see…!
There will be no tossing of any sort at our wedding, in fact the only tossing I agree with, is the tossing of Ms. Post’s etiquette book out of the window!
I have to say I was also surprised at the resistance to our “personalisation” of our wedding too…my mother’s tone of voice when I told her I was wearing *gasp* orange shoes under my dress alone was priceless!
As a planner who has done many multiculteral weddings, a Quaker wedding, a bride in purple, many weddings with no bouquet toss, no veil, NO GARTER, etc- I say, what is important is that two people love each other enough to join their lives in front of family and friends and pledge to stick it out no matter what life dishes out!!! So what if you don’t do it the way your grandmother did it!!! I love the different styles today’s bride has. It makes my job so much more fun!!!
I am going to dump a few traditions-but still work to make a wedding that my friends and family can enjoy. I am not out to create an event that is non-traditional soley for the sake of doing so. I want my grandma to be moved, not stunned.
Though I had a hard time throwing several traditions out the window (not having a father-daughter/mother-son dance would have crushed my father’s heart) I did want to make our wedding reflect us. One way that we did this was that we started the ceremony at exactly 2:22 pm.
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