Etiquette 101: The Registry
Posted in elizabeth, etiquette by elizabeth
This week, A and I will be answering all of your etiquette dilemmas! Don’t forget to leave a comment here if you need a question answered.
JP asks:
Here’s one I’ve been struggling with lately: Is it tacky to list where we’ve registered on our wedding website? Looking forward to your thoughts on this! Thanks!!
We say absolutely not - with two conditions. 1) Only direct guests to your website, never direct them to the registry page. 2) Make sure that the registry isn’t the *only* thing on your site or the front page of your site. The shower invitations are another acceptable way to get the word out for your registry.
Other registry, shower, and gift-giving etiquette:
- Under no circumstances should cash ever be listed, mentioned, or hinted to in printed materials.
- If you are doing a fun honeymoon or other lifestyle registry, be sure to also register for tangible things to be opened at your showers - these are the ooh and ahh parties and you want to have fun packages to open!
- Other than your wedding party and the mothers, if you are having multiple showers, each guest should only be invited to one.
- Immediate family should not host showers.
- If you are the host, consult with the bride on the guest list - you may not be aware of other showers that are being held in her honor! Always invite both mothers and the wedding party to each shower (or both sets of parents if you are throwing a couples shower). The exception is an office shower, where only co-workers should be invited.
- As a guest, if possible, send your gift to the couple prior to the wedding. The less packages that the couple has to arrange transport for, the better!
- Brides, it’s just plain nice to give a small token of appreciation to your shower hostess.
JP - this might have been more than you asked for, but I hope it helps!
E.
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Perfect! Thank you!
I will tuck our registry info away on one of the back pages of the website! (and will be sure to bring a little gift for my shower hostess!)
Is it really still bad etiquette for immediate family to host bridal showers? With so many wedding parties comprised of out of town friends, I’ve seen more and more moms (including my own) co-hosting showers. Is this an etiquette item that’s out of date?
Also… when should one give the shower hostesses their thank you gifts? At the shower? Following the shower? Any gift suggestions?
Nic~ I kind of agree with you. I’ve always wondered why it’s ok for a mother or aunt to host a baby shower for you (My mother, two aunts and 4 friends hosted my baby shower-BIG shower), but not a wedding shower. I think there are different degrees of hosting as well. For instance, having it at your mother’s house because it’s the biggest, nicest, closest, etc. is totally fine with me. With younger brides, mothers often chip in because bridesmaids are often less financially secure. I know I’ve gone to a ton of showers where the mother was hosting in some way but wasn’t actually listed on the invite too. Ah etiquette…designed to make people nervous!
hi nic! yes, that is the traditional etiquette (but then again, so is the single hand-engraved ivory invitation with inner and outer envelopes and we all know that those aren’t the standard any more!), and i actually think the reason behind it is well-meaning - presumably your families are spending a lot of time and contributing financially to your wedding, so having them host a shower adds to that. BUT, these days, with so many wedding parties not being local, i don’t see a problem with having your immediate family help out, host at their home, etc. i would agree with kate and would not list the immediate family as the host on the invitation.
shower hostess gifts should be given at either the very beginning or the very end of the shower and do not have to be anything large or expensive. a bouquet of flowers with a hand-written note would be lovely! any small token that acknowledges your appreciation for their gesture is perfect.
hope this helps!
I’m curious on etiquette on immediate family for shower as well. In my situation I’m not sure who else would throw one. My FI and I chose not to have a bridal party and most of my girlfriends don’t know each other, are at a distance and are going through something big…divorce, new baby etc. Shortly after we were engaged my mother had already mentioned about hosting a bridal shower. I guess I didn’t see much of an issue with it considering the circumstances.
I had no idea what to do about showers what-so-ever. I think my mom was thinking she was supposed to throw us one but I guess that’s not the case. However, I don’t really know who else would throw us one either…
I think the immediate family rule only applies to mothers. Especially if your sister or sister-in-laws are in the wedding party. However, just because they can’t “host” doesn’t mean they can’t be involved. My mother-in-law and mother were both involved in the shower planning, but they were not listed on the invitation. Of course, if you’re a bride who doesn’t care about the traditional rules, I say go for it! Who cares what people think?!
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