Etiquette 101: The Small Wedding

July 11, 2008 · Posted in etiquette by ami elizabeth

Nicole asks:

We are having a small wedding of only 50 people for close family and friends, however, contemplating having an engagement party - is it rude to invite people to the engagement party that will not be invited to the wedding?

Hi Nicole! I have a compromise for you. While it’s not appropriate to invite individuals to any parties prior to the wedding if they aren’t going to be a part of the Big Day, it would be in perfectly good taste to have a party after the wedding to celebrate with all of your friends and family! After-parties are generally done for destination weddings, but also apply in your situation. They are generally less formal events thrown by the newly married couple and, like engagement parties, are gift-optional.

I hope that helps!

click to go to comments

Kawania @ Howerton+Wooten Events writes... {July 12, 2008 at 9:46 am}

Excellent recommendation!

Allie writes... {July 13, 2008 at 4:07 pm}

I think this is a fabulous suggestion, Elizabeth. :) I was recently faced with a similar dilemma and decided to rebel against etiquette… My parents and grandmother live in a very small town, and it was important to them to be able to have a dinner party prior to the wedding where they could invite all of their friends. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves so it wasn’t financially possible to invite the whole town to our wedding — and our wedding is effectively a destination wedding for most everyone, since it’s out of state — so we made a potentially inappropriate call. But if it’s possible to have an after-party instead, that’s a fantastic option.

Nicole writes... {July 15, 2008 at 11:49 am}

Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for the wonderful recommendation. I so had my heart set on a large informal engagement party at our house, and this is an opportunity for me to do something similar. Its just a bummer that I have to wait till after the wedding! ;( However, my main concern was not having anyone feel slighted about not coming to the wedding and I think this will alleviate some of that.

Sara writes... {December 22, 2008 at 11:23 am}

I am having to do this as well. My fiance and I both reside in Chicago, but to save money we’re having the wedding in my very small home town in upstate, NY. Many of our good friends and some family will not be able to make the hike, so we have decided to throw a small party in Chicago a month or two following the wedding.