Etiquette 101: Signature Drinks
July 13, 2008 · Posted in etiquette by ami elizabeth
Hilary asks:
My question is about alcohol at the reception. We plan on serving four seasonal signature drinks at our wedding. Our wedding is around Christmas, so we wanted to serve more classic, vintage style punches and champagne cocktails. Our ideas include pomegranate sangria, peach bellinis, hot rum punch, and cranberry champagne cocktail). My father insists we serve beer, and claims that it is “rude” not to serve it. Is beer expected or will our signature drinks suffice?
Hilary, your signature drinks sound absolutely wonderful! Can we come to your wedding? :) To answer your question, it is never in bad taste to serve any combination of alcohol. You’re free to not have a full bar, to have only signature drinks, to serve only beer and wine, or even not to serve alcohol at all! A compromise for your father might be substituting one beer option for one of your signature drinks.
In fact, the only etiquette that applies to alcohol is the cash bar issue (which I know you did not ask about but we’ll address here). Cash bars are absolutely a no-no. You would never ask a guest to pay for a glass of wine in your own home - weddings are no different. If budget is an issue, serving a limited bar or using Hilary’s signature drink strategy is a great way to mitigate costs.
Also, a tip for all of you when venue- and caterer-hunting. One of the best questions you can ask during your meeting is whether or not you are allowed to bring in your own alcohol. Many vendors now allow this and it’s such a cost-saver! Not only can you purchase the alcohol from your local beverage store, but many alcohol retailers will also allow you to return unopened bottles (ask before buying).
Hilary, I hope this helps!
E.
I wouldn’t say it was rude, but most guys are not going to want to drink any of your signature drinks. They are fairly “girly”, so people who don’t like fruity type drinks would be left with nothing to drink. IMO (and I know you didn’t ask) I would serve the champagne cocktail, hot buttered rum punch and beer and wine. That way you have two signature drinks and something for everybody else. Also, I picked those two drinks because the other two are much more Spring-type drinks to me. Love this picture of the champagne with cranberry skewers in it. I love a champagne cocktail! Yummy!
http://www.loveluckandangels.com/coordination.php?photo=7
The cash bar issue is so interesting, in Britain it is unheard of to have a free bar and cash bars are a given. I’ve never been to a wedding without one. Most British couples serve drinks up to the meal and then the bar opens in the evening. But I think British people drink a lot more than Americans, so supplying alcohol all night would bankrupt us!
We wanted to provide drink all night and not have a bar, for the exact reason that we wanted it to feel like a party and people would never charge for drinks at a party (at least, no one I know!) but the corkage charge at our venue was so high we just couldn’t afford to. And my Mum (whose paying) thought it was insane to even try.
@ peonies - WOW I had no idea about the difference overseas - thank you so much for letting our readers and i know!
KateMW- I did ask our male friends what they would rather have, cocktails or beer. What I find is that our male friends do not like the “cheap” beer that we would have to buy because of cost. Maybe our friends are beer snobs. Because of our venue, which is at a public park, we can only serve pre-mixed punches, beer, and wine with alcohol content lower than 14%. Many traditional alcoholic beverages, like side cars or gin and tonic would not be allowed at our venue.
Peony beat me to the punch (ta-da!) with her response to this. However I would add that people do in fact ‘pay’ for their own drinks, or at least contribute, at a party (at least in UK) because it is considered quite rude to turn up at a party without bringing a bottle of wine, a few bottles of beer, or whatever else you might drink. The host would expect to provide some drinks, and food if they were having it, but certainly not all the drink for everyone.
I think the reason for this might not just be because Brits drink more, but also because it is much more expensive here. At our wedding we’ll be providing wine with dinner and champagne for toasts, then there will be a cash bar in the evening.
Discovering the differences in UK and US customs is one of my favourite parts of wedding blogging - thanks :)
Ahhh! I have a beer snob husband too! Never can we just go buy some Bud Light! I would still serve two drinks, plus cheap beer (try Costco, they have great beer prices on the “expensive” stuff) and wine. It’s probably cheaper to buy more expensive beer, than all the rum and champagne for the cocktail I would think. Who knows, I’m sure you’ve worked this all out, I’m just sticking my nose in! Have fun!
BTW, are you getting married in Alabama? We have weird rules like you seem to have!
Sounds amazing. I would also like to come to this wedding. Not for the beer though!!
Nope- I’m in Ohio, but alcohol related rules are currently applied with township priority, then county, then state level. The reason the venue has this rule is because of the number of officers the state requires to be present when alcohol is served. We have to pay for the officers- so if you are willing to pay a ton for four officers, then you can serve as much alcohol as you like. Since our wedding is during the Holiday season, we would also have to pay the officers holiday over time. So, we opted for 2 officers and less alcohol.
I think the cash bar faux paus is a little outdated if you ask me. I have been to nearly twenty weddings in the last three years, and many of them had free wine/beer though dinner and cash bar afterwards (and I live in the US). On the other hand, I can’t think of one that has had a full open bar. As a guest, I would much rather have a cash bar than no bar at all because it was not within the bride and groom’s budget.
We will be offering free beer and wine all evening, and having a full cash bar available for those who prefer other drinks. This way everyone can drink their beverage of choice, and we are still keeping things within our budget.
