To Kristina-LovelyMorning – our venue also included a 20% service charge for all waitstaff/bartenders, so we gave the manager of the restaurant $75 for helping put everything together and negotiate us to a better price through the previous 6 months, and $50 to the head waiter who literally followed us around all night with a tray of champagne. A little goes a long way…. As a cost-saving alternative, I would also suggest writing a thank you note to each vendor, especially if they own their own business and need positive recommendations/reviews to put on their websites and attract new people.

I just recently had a wedding and was extremely frustrated when our coordinator gave us advise on tipping vendors.

UGH!!! We felt guilted into giving our vendors a gratuity (won’t say exact amount but it was in the four digits) because of these ridiculous expectations they have on us. In all honesty, I can think of a LOT of things I would have preferred to use that money for & there were only two vendors that actually went above & beyond and deserved a tip.

Weddings are SOOOO expensive & we paid top dollar for ALL our vendors.

It was in our contract agreement that we pay a 20% gratuity/service fee at our venue so we knew the costs up front, agreed to it, & budgeted for it. We obviously had no problem with this because it was our choice to sign/commit ourselves to the contract terms. In addition, our venue didn’t expect us to provide meals for all the staff that assisted us.

However, I ABSOLUTELY think it’s absurd and manipulative for vendors to expect us to pay a 10%-25% gratuity and, in most cases, also provide a meal when neither of these terms are specified in their contract. We signed a contractual agreement with our vendors. We agreed to pay a specific dollar amount for a specific scope of work.

So why then, I must question, do vendors expect us to pay more for something that they’re already expected to do.

If we turned the tables and brides/grooms EXPECTED vendors to provide 10-25% more service (flowers, lighting, linens, hair styling, make-up, hours of work, etc..) than what we paid for, vendors would seriously think WE were crazy out of our minds.

So again, I must question, why should it be different for us? Why should they EXPECT us to give them a gratuity & provide a meal when it’s not stated in their contract.

With all that said, I think there’s only solution for brides/grooms. I think we need to be VERY upfront about our feelings on the expectations of tipping BEFORE we sign the contracts.

If I were to do it all over, I would definitely tell our vendors we have no intentions of paying or providing more than what is stated in the contract…….And in this scenario, if the vendors truly went above & beyond their contract, I would highly recommend them to ALL our friends/family and shower them with praise. I would also feel inclined to give a gift and a sincere thank you from my heart. In this case, I think the vendor would also feel much more grateful for anything extra they received and really feel proud of the good job they did.

All food/drinks/rentals are provided by our venue, which is a small hotel with an excellent restaurant. We are already being charged 18% gratuity as part of our final bill. I would assume this 18% goes to pay the waitstaff/bartenders who are all employees of the hotel/restaurant, because who else would it go to? And for the record, 18% of our total is a frickin’ lot of money.

Our vendors (florist, photographer, coordinator, band, hair and makeup) are all independent owner/operators. We are also paying our vendors well, exactly what they’ve asked, with little negotiation and personally I don’t find it reasonable to be expected to tip on top of their contracted fee. We will thank them all profusely, go out of our way to make their jobs as easy as possible, and recommend their work highly (provided they do a good job!) and this should be more important that a few hundred dollars the night of the event.

The places I would find it reasonable would be for instance the valets in front of the hotel, and the staff that come with our photobooth. They don’t own the company and are likely hourly employees. And I think it’s nice to give a little gift to vendors/people you’ve worked particularly closely with.

ANYWAY. Thanks for all the good advice. I think that this is an instance where there are multiple right answers. But I love that there is a place where it can be discussed!

to clarify, my rules on tipping are this:

1) always, without question, tip your waitstaff and other people who serve you, such as your delivery drivers, bartenders, any manual labor (set-up, take-down), hairdressers, coat checkers, valets, chauffeurs, etc, unless gratuity has been specifically negotiated and included in your contract.

2) if a vendor is self-employed (this includes most florists, photographers, bands, videographers, coordinators), i would assume that they have built gratuity and all of their other needed items into their fees. if they do an above-the-call-of-duty job, i would definitely consider a small token of my appreciation, be it monetary or non-monetary. and certainly i would give referrals and glowing reviews!

Sorry, but like Pammietee, I’m frustrated. We’re working extra hard to keep costs down, spend our money responsibly, support local artists and vendors, and not get taken for the “It’s a wedding! Expect to pay double!” ride. I feel like the moment I get things under control, I hear something like “remember to tip 10%-25%” and I feel another wave of frustration. Vendors need to price in what they need to be paid. I don’t want to have to worry that I am under paying or not appreciating my vendors if I take them at their word. Somehow because we’re brides we are expected to pay in a more emotional and less rational way then we would on anything else. Do I tip my waiter or cab driver? Heck yes, I do. But do I tip a contractor doing a renovation? Um, no. I pay the bill presented in full, in a timely manner, with a word of thanks.

It is very likely that your caterer (or perhaps other vendors) have included this in your contract already under “service charge”. If they have then you are all set and tipping the waitstaff is all that’s left. :)

Additionally, if they are self-employed then although tipping is a nice gesture and will certainly be appreciated, it is not required.

hope this helps!

E.