From the onset of my wedding planning I have tried my darndest not to be very low key about the whole shabang. And to be honest I occasionally pat myself on the back for maintaining a very chill demeanor even as I pass over the “two month mark.”
However a few months back the type-A, controlling side of me reered her ugly head, all in regards to the bridesmaids dresses.
I have always loved when maids where the same color and fabric but different styles of dresses. I like this for two reasons 1) I think it provides the gals with a chance to find a silhouette that truly flatters them and 2) I personally enjoy the variety from a visual standpoint. I made the mistake of only telling my bridesmaids reason #1. A decision I would regret later on.
Coincidentally I picked six different styles and have six bridesmaids. Now I had anticipated having some double up, and I was ok with that. However I had not anticipated nearly every maid (save one!) leaning towards the same dress. Here I have six gals all with different figures going for the same look, which is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Thus putting my in the conundrum of “do I be ‘that bride’ and tell my friends what they can and cannot do.” I was very pulled because the people pleaser in me didn’t want to offend anyone, while on the other hand having all the girls in the same dress is not what I wanted for the look of my wedding.
I hemmed and hawed about this and ultimately made the decision to ask some girls to switch. Thankfully the response was the same from all of them. It went something like this:
“Blair I am thrilled to be asked. This is your day and I will wear whatever dress you want me to! I also liked several of the other dresses and I have no problem switching.”
Whew! I know it may seem like a silly detail to stress over, but it really did throw me into a tizzy. So the lesson here is twofold: 1) be sure to always communicate clearly what you want throughout the planning process, don’t assume people will naturally be on the same page. 2) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, even if you have changed your mind. In the end it is your day and your friends and family just want you to be happy.
So what are the various styles? Meet my maids:
All the dresses will be tea length, and sapphire blue (shown above). They are part of Watters & Watters WTOO line, and they are beautiful.
For any EAD readers in the Louisville, KY area: I got my wedding dress and bmaids dresses at Rebecca’s Wedding Boutique. I couldn’t be happier with the service I received their and I highly reccomend them for all your wedding attire needs!
And as always, you can read more about my big day at: theweddingblurg.blogspot.com
same thing happened to me… luckily once they tried the favorite dress on only two liked it and two others went for another (albeit the same) style.
It may be the bride’s ‘day’ but does that mean your going to make girls fork over lots of $$ on a dress they don’t like? Or one they will never wear again? Unless your paying for the dresses, and then I say whatever you want goes. But otherwise…this tradition seems so selfish and outdated. I ended up paying over a thousand bucks(dress, hair, makeup, shoes, alterations, plane tickets, hotel, gifts, plane ticket and hotel for bridal shower) to be a bridesmaid. And I didn’t resent any of it until I was told I couldn’t be in the bridal party if I didn’t wear the shoes the bride wanted(even though they didnt fit me).
Can’t a bride enjoy the day with her friends without making them pay $$$ for things they will never use again?
Don’t stress over what Kelly said…
I went through the exact same thing as you. And I have only 4 bridesmaids. But it’s ending up that 2 are going to be in one dress and 2 in another – all in the same color, which I’m fine with.
But like you, I totally stressed over it. I stressed over the color because my sisters didn’t like the original champagne color, and then orange wasn’t a hit either (I’m now using navy blue). I stressed over style because originally my future SIL didn’t want a shorter dress while everyone else did, AND both my sisters liked the same style of dress.
I just think it’s a stressful situation, and it’s hard because yes, while you want your day to kind of represent what you have in mind, you also want to take into account your friends’ and families’ feelings as well.
But I’m glad you got it all resolved!! :-)
I decided to let them choose their own shoes in gold – whatever style they wanted – and they can wear their hair in any style they’d like. I want them to be comfortable and be themselves – as much as anyone can be in a bridesmaid dress! ;-)
And yes, I’ll admit, mine will probably not wear them again. But since I didn’t want to use black dresses, and my future SIL is a larger plus size – it was difficult to find dresses that would all coordinate with each other, including hers. I chose very reasonably priced styles, so they did not have to spend too much.
I felt that this was one of the most stressful decisions for me, so I’m glad that you have a resolution and can move on! I’m sure they’ll all look wonderful.
Thank you all for commenting! Just to clarify a few things
1) I would never ask any of my friends to spend a lot of money on a bridesmaid dress. My dresses ranged in price between $155.20-$177.60, which I felt was very reasonable. Also when asking some girls to switch there was never a big difference in price.
2) In terms of shoes I have not asked my girls to wear matching shoes, just something in the silver/grey family.
3) I also never would have forced a girl to wear a dress she didn’t like. Usually they were torn between two dresses anyway, so I just encouraged them to go with their second option.
I totally understand how people can get frustrated with being a bridesmaid and being told what to do. I had hoped to never end up doing it. In the end I learned I should have just been more up front from the begining. Thankfully it all worked out.