Taking A Stand: The “Do’s and Don’ts” of Abby’s Wedding
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I plan weddings for a living and because of this, I have developed a very strong anti-traditional bride mentality. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with carrying on tradition but it’s just not for me.
Here is a list of things of Do’s and Don’ts I have for our Wedding.
Lets start with the Don’ts.
1.) I will NOT have a wedding party.
- I have never had any strong relationships with females and wouldn’t feel right bringing in someone for the big day just to call them a “maid of honor.” Plus, I don’t like people gushing all over me.
2.) I will NOT have a guest book, bouquet toss, head table/sweet heart table or first dance.
-Our photographer should be able to capture which guests were able to share the day with us. I don’t need a book of “Congratulations” to make me feel good. I hate being the center of attention so therefore I will try to avoid anything that will put me on display. No one pays attention to you when you are dancing unless you make up some choreographed dance and that’s just not happening.
3.) I will NOT have a Videographer.
-Enough said.
4.) I will NOT micromanage my day.
-I have seen too many people get wrapped up in the details the day of the wedding that they are constantly on the look out for something to go wrong. When you start doing this, you aren’t able to enjoy the good things. Do yourself a favor and let go. The amount of pressure that will get lifted off your shoulders will feel amazing.
5.) I will NOT spend thousands and thousands of dollars on my wedding.
-Not happening. At All. I believe the best weddings are those that really encapsulate the feeling of wholesome relationships, happiness and creativity. A $10,000 gown doesn’t necessarily do that for me.
Now for the Do’s!
1.) I WILL allow my vision and sense of design come through the day of my wedding.
-I am working towards becoming an event & floral designer so therefore, I love creating and being creative. I want my wedding day to be a way for our guests to see the passion I have for making things beautiful.
2.) I WILL only have people we know and love at our wedding.
-This means having a very small and intimate wedding. I want to be comfortable enough around my guests to feel as though I can relax, have a good time and to be myself.
3.) I WILL have an amazing photographer.
-Photos keep the day alive and knowing that you have a great photographer on your side, is such a relief.
4.) I WILL think of my guests.
-This is their day too. Many of them will be travelling interntaionally to share their time with us and that is a big commitment. I want to make sure they have a wonderful time too (ie- by not doing a bouquet toss, garter toss, etc.)
5.) I WILL have a good time.
-As I mentioned previously, too many times, Brides aren’t able to let go and enjoy themselves. I want to relax, have good conversation and live in the moment.
So there you have it. I could add many more to each list but you get the point. With the creation of blogs, I think it really has helped a lot of people realize that it is okay to do things differently and not have to do the cookie cutter wedding. Don’t try to push yourself into thinking that you must do things that everyone else is doing. Be open and be creative in your own way and your own style.
via Lovely Morning {source}
I’m curious to know, what are the “Do’s & Don’ts” for your Wedding?
![Wedvice: Taking Care of Business [Literally]!!](http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/wp-content/themes/EADBlogStyle/scripts/timthumb.php?src=http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/04modern5-150x150.jpg&h=100 &w=100&zc=1&q=100)
Sounds very similar to our wedding dos and don’ts! We made some goals to start. Then I looked at the things we weren’t having too: http://teaandwhimsy.blogspot.com/search/label/wedding%20goals
No first dance, bouquet toss, speeches, head table. We both don’t like being the centre of attention. Nice to see someone else with a similar viewpoint :)
I really do not want to do a first dance, but I feel like everyone is pressuring me into it. My fiance was with me on this until, again, everyone started talking about it (the DJ brought up daughter/father and son/mother dances and I think he wants to dance with his mom). I really hate formal dancing, and I don’t want to spend the money on dance lessons, so I have no idea what I’m going to do!
A breath of fresh air. Thanks for posting this!
MidwestElle @ http://www.illinoisbride.blogspot.com
Ariel at Offbeat Bride made a post last week similar to this and I made one of my own in reponse… but it’s not really rules; more of a I don’t want this but I do want that kinda thing.
I think it’s important that all brides make the day their own in some way. They shouldn’t follow a prescribed list of things that have always been done. No white dress? No pink? Awesome. I mean, it’s a celebration of your love. I honestly hate it when women plan a wedding that is solely about them and doesn’t take into consideration their fiance. What does that say about them, their relationship, and the future of their marriage?
The only “don’t” we have is that we will not do something just because it is wedding tradition. There are some traditional things we both like and others we hate–so as long as it’s very much US, we are going for it.
While I think this is a great list, I think we should be careful here. By saying things like that guests won’t enjoy a bouquet toss or garter toss is making a slight generalization. There are certainly groups of people who don’t enjoy these traditions; however, there are people (and brides, and grooms) who do and want to have them at their wedding.
I myself am not having these traditions, and I think that’s great for each bride to be able to make that choice…however, I don’t think it fair to make brides feel badly for choosing to have these traditions, either. Same for videographers. I know a couple who chose to have a videographer for the purpose of sending the videos to several ill relatives who weren’t able to make it to their wedding. To each their own…but that goes both ways.
@Rosalie: Love your blog! I feel that it is really important to think about the type of atmosphere that you want to create and by having clear goals, it definitely helps!
@Anita: Do what feels right for the both of you. If you are comfortable with him just having a dance with his mother then do that! Also, you can think outside of the box and maybe now just have only the both of you but a group of couples to share the moment with.
@MidwestElle: My pleasure! :)
@Amy: You said it best. It’s about customizing your day to whatever you want it to be. If that includes following traditions and if that makes you happy, do it! However, if you are more comfortable with taking another route, then don’t be afraid to go for it.
@LaToya: Exactly. Do what feels right and don’t feel pressured by the “wedding rules.”
@Briana: You are absolutely right. There are people that enjoy these traditions and as I said in my post, if they do make you happy, then by all means do them! I’m not saying that my guests will not enjoy this or that or that it is “wrong” I’m saying that it is not right for me and it wouldn’t make me happy.
Also, please understand that by no means am I saying that those who choose to go the traditional route are wrong. I respect people’s decisions but in the same respect, people should respect those who choose to do something different. Everyone has their reasons of why they do and don’t do things. Ultimately everyone, whether they admit it or not, have their own “list” of things that they would like or not like at their wedding and this is simply mine.
I will NOT judge other brides for the style, activities, traditions, costs or purchases of their own wedding. I WILL judge them if they get so caught up in these things that they forget to have fun and enjoy their big day and remember that they are marrying the love of their life.
[...] The Job Description? When I saw Abby’s post today, it made me laugh — she’s a woman after my own heart! I hear a lot of “Oh, [...]
I was totally with you on no videographer. But I set up my little cousin with my parents video camera and I am SO glad I did! No – it doesnt look like hollywood work, but it captured all the fun and funny words and we’ve already watched it 5 times! We have an AMAZING photog and I am DROOLING over all the amazing photos…. but every so often we push play on our not so high definition video to relive it because it was so wonderful.
I love your list! I just got married last week and our list was very similar. The best compliment I got was not how pretty I looked but that our wedding was not like anything anyone had been to before and it was definitely us. The only thing I regret was a minor (or major depending on who you ask) freakout that it was raining right before the reception during our pictures. But the sun and a rainbow came out and it was the best night of my life.
this is great, I think so many brides do some of these things because they feel like they have to. I ask, does it MEAN something to you personally? If not-why do it just because it’s “tradition”???
@Melissa: Exactly! Sometimes people forget what it means to have a wedding.
@Melissa: Congratulations on your recent marriage!! I’m sure your guests were able to feel the amount of love and consideration you put into your wedding. It is those moments that people will never forget.
@Brittany: I totally agree. If those traditions mean something to you, then of course include them but not because you think you have to.
This is a great idea! Our wedding do’s and don’ts are all in my head at the moment. I should really put them on paper.
One of the traditions that we’ve chosen to keep is the first dance because I think it’ll be lovely to have the parents come up after us to dance too. We’ve chosen not to have a wedding cake to cut though just because we couldn’t see ourselves doing that.
I think it’s awesome these days that couples can choose to have or not to have certain traditions. It means that you can personalise your wedding and make the day your own.
Greetings from Hong Kong. This is great sharing and makes me feel I am not alone having similar mindset.
I’d like to thank you Abby for Will Not #1. I am not having a wedding party either – at this point in my life, and in this geographical location, I don’t have very many friends. And it has always made me feel bad to read about other weddings with bridesmaids, etc… I always felt sad for not having close enough friends (I don’t have siblings either) to ask to be my bridesmaids.
This is the first blog post I’ve seen that was so honest about this point. THANK YOU!
@Joyce: Your first dance vision sounds lovely. I’m sure everyone will appreciate the sentiment behind it.
If you don’t want to go to the trouble of buying a wedding cake but like the look of having one, feel free to check out my post on my personal blog of making a fake one! http://peachesbyplums.wordpress.com/2009/03/02/wedding-cake-diy-style/
@Stephanie: Greetings from Boston! Thank you for stopping by!
@Hana: You’re welcome! I had those same exact thoughts and was so worried that I would be the only person in the world that wouldn’t have a bridal party. When people ask me about who my maid of honor is and I tell them that there will be no maid of honor, sometimes their reactions can be quite shocking. It’s nice to know that at least 2 people in this world feel the same way!
[...] determining what I “Do” and “Don’t” want at my wedding, the next thing to do is figure out the look and style of wedding I want to [...]
Right on! I agree with your independence from tradition.
I hope my day goes the same way!
[...] Today over at Elizabeth Anne Designs, I am talking about my Wedding “Do’s and Don’ts.” [...]
