Lay It On Me
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We’re a month out from the wedding. I should be excited, right? And I am. At least 50% excited at any rate. The other 50%? Stressed as all hell despite all of my best efforts to keep things in perspective. I know it’s just one day (well, one weekend in our case) and that I can’t allow that to eclipse the excitement of marrying the most incredible person I know. But I have to admit, at this point I’m just ready for the whole thing to be over and for us to be lying around our little oceanfront cabin in Maine, totally blissed out and done with the whole wedding thing.
I have a lot of projects I’m working on, a lot left to do, but a lot accomplished so far. I think we’re in really good shape on that front, so those sorts of ultimately insignificant details aren’t concerning me. With or without them, we’re getting married – in a month! No no, rather it’s the logistics of pulling everything together largely on my own. I live 45 minutes from my closest bridesmaid, an hour from all of my family, and while he’d love to be helpful (and he does try!), M is largely unable to offer me much assistance. I’m the natural born planner, the organizer so I delegate what I can, but he truly does rely on me to steer the ship, especially given his incredibly busy schedule as of late. I can’t help but feel like the planning process would be much more fun at this stage in the game if I were tucked snuggly in a little envelope of excitement and contribution from the people in my life whom I love. Sadly, that’s not really happening at this point. Ultimately, again, it’s not a life threatening scenario, but it makes it a bit more ho hum.
And, regretfully, our wedding has become much more political than I had ever dreamed. Suddenly, my grandmother cares that I’m not getting married in a traditional Catholic Mass. Suddenly, my father cares about things like invitation wording. Suddenly, we’re risking losing some of our guests due to two-night minimums at all of the local hotels (typical of any resort town in summer, right?) despite the fact that it’s something outside of our control. And I can’t tell you how upsetting I find that, especially when it involves family unbelievably near and dear to my heart. Suddenly, I’m stressed, tired and getting headaches far more frequently. I’m ready for a big glass of wine and a long nap.
I know I can’t be alone in my feelings so rather than keeping them to myself, I decided to turn to you for your thoughts. Any suggestions on how I can coast through these next few weeks without a breakdown? Is anyone else ready to just throw in the towel on wedding planning and just start being married? I’ll love you forever if you tell me I’m not alone.
You’re not alone. Just put things in perspective. Actually the thought of being “blissed out” after all the carrying on is behind you is healthy because it focuses on the two of you being in love and living your life, though much of that process is NOT being blissed out but fact is it’s the two of you and your in love, and that’s what matters.
You arent alone I promise! Mine isnt so much stress as it is fatigue. Everyone is placing more pressure on this day then M and I are and that is taxing on your nerves too. Im ready to be married, on the honeymoon, and living happily ever after. you’re coming down to the wirte – youre perfectly normal I promise =o) My close friend is getting married next Friday – shes stressing BADLY. Breathe deep, have some wine, and think about the purpose of the day.
You’re definitely not alone! My wedding is over a year out yet, and we’re still trying to work out which STATE it will be in, since my family is from one state and his is from another – and the last time I brought up the idea to my mom of having it in *his* state (where I have also lived for 6 years now), it caused a huge fight. I’ve had many a wistful dream of a simple courthouse wedding to be done with it.
You’re almost there! I agree with Kelly – a glass of wine (and a good movie or two) will cure almost anything.
I’m getting married a month from today, and this week my emotions have been all over the place! I’ve had blissfully in love days, frustrated days, and “do you not realize we have a million things to do RIGHT NOW” days… I keep focusing in on checking one thing at a time off the list and not letting myself get overwhelmed by just how many things there are to do. Good luck!
Although we don’t have the same stresses attached to our wedding, it is 23 days away and I am so terribly tired that I can’t even bare to do another craft, choose another song, or even look at our ceremony materials. Not to mention the fact that I have lost all patience with vendors who NEVER respond to my phone calls and e-mails. I don’t want to wish the days away, because I’ve enjoyed the wedding planning process up to this point, but I do look forward to getting back to “normal” life after the wedding. I hope everything works out for you and you have the best wedding day ever!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We are about 2 months out, and while I am fairly organized, and generally able to maintain momentum on projects, etc., it is all a bit much to handle considering I am also in the process of finishing my PhD (my defense will be 10 days before our wedding?!?!). My man also tries to help, but, as you said, there is only one person steering the ship, and that is (always has been, and likely always will be) me. My mom and bridesmaids are three hours away, so as I check items off the list (the wedding feeling more and more like a J-O-B), I yearn for the days that we were footloose and fancy free (remember those early days of dating), and I look forward to the bliss of drinking wine and eating bread in Italy!! Keep your chin up girl, and at this point, I think it is time to turn a blind eye to the politics (hello Dad, the invites are sooooo 3 months ago, right?!). Decisions have been made, and now it is time to execute, and sail in to the finish line! You can do it!!
The closer we got to the wedding, the more we wanted to just elope. Here’s a horror story for you to make you feel better: a week from the wedding, my mother actually THREW OUT all of our wedding programs in rage because she felt slighted by the way I had worded something…listing my future in-laws before my own parents, to mirror the way I had placed my husband’s name before mine. Unfortunately, her actions during the planning process really tainted our memories of our wedding.
I’ll say this: at the end of the day, you’ll be married to your best friend, and that’s what the wedding is all about. Stick to your guns about things that matter, and try to let go of the things that don’t. You don’t have to have a perfect wedding day to have a GREAT marriage.
PS – Just to add to my previous comment, we’ve been married a little over 3 and a half years now (not far from you…we’re in Rochester, NY), and I’m happy to say it’s only gotten better every day since the wedding. So. Keep calm and carry on…this is just something you need to get through. It’ll be worth it!
You are so not alone (obvious from the previous commentors). But I know that I can completely relate. My wedding is a month out as well and it’s the little things that are starting to seem so daunting. Also the FMIL’s birthday is on the day of our rehearsal, so I am feeling some obligation to make sure to recognize that, even though she has been less than supportive. Take a deep breath, kiss your hubby to be and focus on the day after. I know that’s my plan! :)
Oh hon, you are not alone! Family was one of the biggest reasons why my husband and I flew to St. Lucia to get married by ourselves on a beach. I hope your wedding doesn’t come to that!
Jess’s most recent blog post: Our Hostess
Honey, you are so not alone. I am 4 months out and am ready to throw in the towel on the planning already. =)
Kristy’s most recent blog post: Congratulations, Rach!
I am so with you! My future grandmother-in-law was afraid to host a bridal shower because she didnt want the blame for who was or wasnt getting invited. Both parents want to invite more people than the venue can accomodate and cousins are offended their kids aren’t invited and may not come. Weddings just bring out the best and the worst. I’m 5 weeks out and feel the same way you do!
I’m right with you….your post totally echoed how I am feeling right now. We are less than 6 weeks out and I am no longer having fun with this, which makes me sad. I, too, have a very lovely husband-to-be, who looks to me for direction for everything wedding-related. And that’s fine up to a certain point…but now I’m tired of always taking the lead. It gets exhausting.
I just keep telling myself to have patience with those around me (also, no family or bridesmaids near me!) and to think of what’s at the finish line (a wonderful boy who will be my husband and of course, a honeymoon). Hang in there…this is the final stretch!
