Firstname Lastname
We all get to it at some point. The big question: do I change my name or not? Frequently there’s another option: will he change his name or not?When DJ and I were engaged last time, nearly a decade ago, I assumed that I would just change my name. But somewhere in those ten years I grew more attached to my name.
We briefly discussed changing his name, or changing both our last names, but quickly ruled that out. DJ is named for his father and grandfather, all sharing the same first and last names. He also comes from a close extended family, and that identity is important to him.
I’m not particularly attached to my actual name; it’s nothing special, and I don’t particularly identify with my family of origin. But I’ve had that name for going on three decades, and I’m uncomfortable with leaving half my name behind for a whole new one. At the same time, I’d like for DJ and I to share the same name, and I’m thrilled to be a part of his wonderful family. (Seriously. I often joke that I am marrying him for his family.)
So, what’s left. Hyphenation. Hyphenation would give me a long and consonant-filled name, but it would be easy for me to remain Julia Remix professionally while having the option of Julia Remix-J or Julia J in my personal life.
Also, hyphenated names always make me think of Dynasty and Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. (Though I guess hers were not hyphenated so much as daisy-chained.) So until the novelty wears off my old-new name will make me giggle.
You know, I really like the idea of BOTH the bride and groom hyphenating- I know of one couple who has done it and it’s such a beautiful, equal, sweet gesture. Unfortunately my last name and his last name do not go well together… at all.
so- we’re each (so far) keeping our last names. :)
We’ve had the same thought – h2b and I are both changing our names to be hyphenated because I just couldn’t subdue the feminist bit of me that thought it was silly to be leaving behind an identity that I’ve had for a long time, and like. It’s kind’ve nice to have the same surname – like saying ‘we’re part of the same team’ but I don’t think it’s nice to carry on an essentially patriarchal ‘tradition’.
I guess it’s just good that people now have the option rather than being ‘expected’ to take the husbands name.
T’s most recent blog post: Wedding dress – further environmental/fashion dilemmas
My beloved and I both have long last names, so hyphenation doesn’t really work. If I took his last name and kept my first and middle, my initials would be NAG. That’s right, NAG. So, I think the solution is to drop my middle name and replace it with my maiden name, then take my h2b’s last name. Phew!
Norah’s most recent blog post: Pretty Pochoirs
As someone who’s been hyphenated since birth, I don’t recommend it. When you’re hyphenated you have to use both names on lots of semi-official stuff, like credit cards and plane tickets. Airlines still don’t allow for hyphens when you book online, so my last name comes out as one long word, in all caps, on tickets, and you should hear them try to page me. For a while, I couldn’t use those kiosk check-ins, because my credit card had a hyphen and my ticket didn’t.
My SATs got lost – no hyphen, I can never find my file at businesses because it is in one last name or the other, it’s a mess, and I’d say since more and more stuff is computerized it’s gotten worse.
That’s just my two cents- I’d go the dynasty route, since I don’t think you’re planning on having 4 husbands. That way you can use both when you want, and just his when it’s easier.
And I’ll be using vacation days if I have to to get my name changed as soon as possible after the marriage license comes back ;)
