After The Professional Bridesmaid asked why I was bucking tradition by letting the boy see my dress, I thought it’d be a good post topic—traditions I am not following! I should preface this post by clarifying that I’m not disrespectful to all wedding traditions—heck, I’m a girl who will be wearing a white dress and has bridesmaids with {potentially} matching outfits! But I’ve definitely given thought to which ones I’d like to include and not include, and what would be best for the both of us.
Wedding traditions we are breaking:
+I am letting the boy see pictures of me in the dress.
If he was at all interested in dress shopping, I’d probably take him with me! But he’s not (*cry) and I don’t mind if he sees the pictures at all. I don’t feel particularly comfortable with him picking something to wear without me, so I showed him pictures of me in dresses and asked his opinion to be fair. We’re putting a lot of our energy and money into this event, and I just feel like each item we’re spending money on should be discussed. That includes the dress. Good thing the dress I fell in love with received a “looks good” comment from him, otherwise we’d have an entirely different problem on our hands. :)
+I do not want only my father walking me down the aisle.
I love my Dad. I’m pretty sure I fit the profile for “Daddy’s little girl” being the youngest in the family. But I’m uneasy about walking down the aisle with just my father, only to have him pass me to my fiancé waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I’m also uneasy about leaving out my mother in this equation. She raised me and took care of me like my Dad—why shouldn’t she be walking with us too? We have three alternative options we’ve thought of:
- The boy and I can walk down the aisle together –OR-
- The boy and I can walk down the aisle with both sets of parents -OR-
- I can walk down the aisle by myself
+I do not want our ceremony to end with 1) “I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride” or 2) “introducing for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. His Name”.
1) I think we might change this to read “I now pronounce you married, you may now hug and kiss” or something along those lines! Any suggestions? Perhaps “you may now kiss the groom”? :)
2) Where did my name go? I find this introduction completely unfair. I have a name too! And it’s cuter than the boy’s!
How about you? Are you breaking any traditions?
Follow @JJamieChua on Twitter
I think it’s great that you’re doing away with all these traditions because they were my exact considerations! I’ve always wanted my mother to walk me down the aisle & know for sure that when I shop for my gown, I’d show my fiance pictures because I value his feedback. And YES, I’m definitely against people remembering me by a name that honestly, doesn’t belong to me.
Follow @trueblindfaith on Twitter
I saw a very romantic wedding where the bride started walking herself down the aisle and then the groom walked down halfway to meet her and then escorted her the rest of the way.
Follow @magmaeA on Twitter
I walked with both my parents and skipped the weird announcements, too… and it was great!
Jonathon has seen pictures of my dress. He helped me pick it out actually! I’d show him things I liked and he’s say yes or no. He has opinions and those matter too. I mean, what’s worse than buying a dress your man hates. Heck, I even have him give opinions on clothes I wear. Why not? He however won’t see me IN the dress before and he doesn’t want to.
Plus, my family is agast that we are seeing each other before the wedding and one of my friends thinks it’s scandalous that I just wnat to sleep in MY bed with Jonathon the night before. I’ve been doing it for years… why stop for one night?
No bouquet toss. Or garter toss… BORING!
In Jewish weddings it is traditional for the bride and groom to each be escorted down the isle by their mother & father! So maybe you are just picking from *other* traditions!
That being said, my fiance and I are considering walking each other down the isle. it is such a nice sentiment :)
My father died when I was young, and there’s no one I’d want to have that role (except my mom, who is firmly sticking to her MOB role in her seat at the end of the aisle). So I’m walking myself! (I don’t appreciate the idea of being “given away” anyway!) And we’re going to see each other before the wedding so I’m not too weak-kneed with emotion. We’re not going to have the same last name, so the whole “Here’s Mr. and Mrs. X!” doesn’t work either. We might do something like “the new married couple, B and K!”
Follow @melitami on Twitter
Other than my dress (which has clover green on it as well), we’re doing as little white anything as possible (too cliche for me!). My grandfather is walking me down the aisle instead of my dad, because my grandfather never had the chance to with 3 sons and I’m his oldest grandchild (he fought me on this though!). We’re also doing a handfasting instead of a traditional ceremony. And we’re not having a bridal party, just our brothers be ushers.
Our parents on both sides feel very strongly about the not sleeping with each the night before and not seeing each other until I walk up the aisle the day of, so we kinda have to follow that. Both sets of parents are helping pay a little, and they’ve not asked for much besides that.
Follow @pinkargyle on Twitter
Thanks for all the great feedback! It’s so nice to hear other couples making the wedding their own rather than following what is expected by the media or the WIC.
@True Blind Faith: That’s very sweet. I haven’t seen that before.
@Amy: Ahh the bouquet and garter toss–yup, not doing those either! :)
@alisha: I think that’s fantastic that Jewish tradition includes both parents. They both need recognition!
@Brooke: We are also keeping our names and will be introduced similarly!
@Melissa: I had to wiki handfasting, very cool! We also made the decision to only include siblings and family in our ceremony.
All of the above!
Follow @princesseemma on Twitter
My mum will be walking me down the aisle because my Dad is not in my life.
I dunno what to do about the anouncement part because I’m not changing my name so we won’t be Mr & Mrs ‘his last name’ ?!
Follow @pinkargyle on Twitter
@Emma: I think Brooke had a good suggestion, and that’s to be announced as “the newly married couple, your full name and your partner’s full name!” Or you could just do first names for something more informal.
Follow @LandlockedBride on Twitter
I love that you are not following tradition. Many of the traditions about weddings exist for other reasons than why people *actually* think they exist. We are forgoing several “traditional” elements around our wedding because the wedding should be a reflection of me and the FI, not some old world viewpoint!
Love the thought of having both your sets of parents walk you in. Maybe I will talk to DJ about :borrowing: that idea!
Follow @annaandthering on Twitter
Goooooo! Mo!
Traditions are designed as something to control the proletariat! Only kidding, well slightly. Gosh I sound all conspiracy theory!
I say do what you feel is you. I love the idea of the groom meeting me halfway.
Follow @pinkargyle on Twitter
@julia: Please do! And let us know how it goes!
@anna and the ring: It’s okay, Anna. I enjoy conspiracy theories. :)
I’m definitely in favour of being selective over traditions, and of making up a few of your own (eg – Melissa’s Grandfather – I love that he’s having his moment! so sweet!)
I also never really got why you have to be told to (or worse, be given permission) to kiss?? Who really needs encouragement at that moment?
Follow @azureevents on Twitter
I’ve had clients put this into their vows: “I pronounce you married and invite you to celebrate with a kiss.” Depending on the laws in your state, some require the officiant to “pronounce” the marriage so sometimes you can’t throw this part out.
@Bells – trust me, sometimes you are so wrapped up in the moment and feeling like a deer-in-headlights that some people need to be told to kiss. Its is also helpful to your guests to signify that the event is final and they are allowed to clap.
Follow @pinkargyle on Twitter
@Robin: I like that ending! Thank you for the suggestion.
Follow @www.twitter.com/probridesmaid on Twitter
Great post! And I love how the boy said ‘looks good’….hehe. I always envisioned of my parents walking down the aisle with me. In Jewish custom, the groom walks down the aisle with his parents, then the bridesmaids/groomsmen, the the bride walks down the aisle to meet her parents half way down the aisle, then all 3 walked down to the altar (chuppah) together. I always loved this tradition.
Hooray for you! I’m not letting Garrett see the dress until the wedding day but he pointed out a dress in a window once that I tried on (and loved until I found out it was $4000). I showed him pictures of a lot of the reject dresses just to make sure he liked the styles I was trying on. I recently said something about not wanting to sunburn my shoulders since my dress was strapless and he said “I didn’t know it was strapless” oops…
I won’t be walking down the aisle since Garrett and I are going to the city hall before the wedding but if I was I’d like the idea of both my parents walking me. I don’t like all of the connotations of wedding traditions. That my parents should pay for the wedding by themselves (and thus a dowry) , that I am being given away by my father, that I am Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname… Drives me nuts.
As far as the announcing, I think I’d like “Introducing Mr. Garrett and Mrs. Kelly Cummings” (or Mrs. Kelly and Mr. Garrett, I don’t care) as opposed to Mr. and Mrs. Garrett Cummings. Why do people hold on to traditions that don’t make sense anymore with the way we do things?
.-= kelly’s most recent blog post: Library Link Love =-.