image from mondera.com
I’m not sure how to feel about the whole men wearing wedding rings deal. My dad has always worn his and my mom always wore her matching one, both plain yellow gold bands. I was actually pretty surprised to find out that women (now at least) tend to match their wedding band to their engagement rings, and that the husband’s ring doesn’t always match. I was probably just not that observant.
I think my thoughts on marriage have been greatly influenced by the people I grew up around and media. Thus, men wear rings if they are married, women look for the wedding ring when they are out hunting for men (this is where movies come in, and every conversation I ever had with another female about some adult male that is considered attractive), and men who don’t want to wear a ring or who take their rings off are up to no good. I’m sure lots of men have gotten in trouble for wanting to look single for whatever reason, or forgetting to put their ring back on after some physical activity, or just not wanting to wear one.
This brings me to a personal question: why do I want to wear a ring? I’m really not sure. I know part of it is because they are so pretty (my e-ring is a permanent fixture on my hand at this point), because I like jewelry, and because it signifies to other people that I am getting married. Which might be because I like for people to ooh and ahh and ask questions, and because it’s like an entry to the engaged club. I’m not saying I’m proud of the reasons, but they are there amongst the more noble ones. I never even thought about not having a ring. Partly because I do want people to know I’m taken. Women wear fake rings to ward off men they don’t want to approach them, and it’s kind of a polite signal when you are actually married (hey, don’t bother, I’m married).
Does that mean that men think of it the same way? I don’t think so. Some might, but for men who feel no need to wear a ring to be faithful to their women, or those who don’t like jewelry, or those who just want you to trust them…. it’s probably really frustrating to have someone urge them to wear one. Garrett’s not crazy about the idea of a ring. His dad hasn’t always worn one, and I don’t know the reason for it because I didn’t ask, but I’m aware now that not every married man does, and it doesn’t mean they want to seem unmarried. Garrett has never worn jewelry and doesn’t like anything artificial in or on his body anyway. He has contacts and a permanent retainer and both annoy him. He would never get a tattoo or piercing. So putting a ring on his finger is at the very least annoying.
image from wedding ring 101
He humored me at least a little and picked out a ring this weekend. It’s a plain white gold band (and it will kind of match my ring in the sense that mine’s white gold but mine is decorated with diamonds to match my e-ring). It has a comfort band, whatever that means. And it’s exactly the same as his uncle’s (they even got it at the same family-friend-owned jewelry store). I don’t know if he’ll want to wear it but I couldn’t fathom the idea of there not being a ring exchange at the ceremony. I kind of feel like I’m silly to want him to wear one so bad.
Does anyone else have a fiancé who isn’t fond of bling? And should I even care?
To be honest, it would bother me somewhat. It’s not about being faithful to me, but that my fiance is looking forward to his band says to me that he’s looking forward to having a visible representation of our marriage. That may not be what he’s thinking – I should ask him – but that’s the way it comes off to me. So I think if he weren’t wanting to wear a ring, it would upset me, and I would hope that he’d deal with the discomfort that would likely go away relatively quickly. But that’s me speaking from the context of my relationship…
It would definitely bother me. During our ring exchange we said “I give you this ring as a symbol of my sincerity and as a constant reminder of my love.” That about sums up why I feel the rings have worth aside from being nice to look at.
Our bands don’t match at all, and that doesn’t bother me. Mine is white gold and intricately etched in a way that compliments my engagement ring, and his is yellow gold and simply beveled.
I’d think that after a time he’d sort of forget that the ring there, in the sense that it won’t annoy him after wearing it for awhile. I do know some of my friends’ husbands chose other materials for their rings beside gold to match their lifestyles—like an indestructible tungsten ring (http://www.duratungstenring.com/wedding-rings-tungsten-rings-c-83_95.html?osCsid=830f9770a1896dadc40d364eac61b25d) for the construction foreman.
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It would bother me a great deal. It’s a symbol of your union and I would definitely make a very big fuss! So don’t worry, you’re not silly.
My fiance brought up the idea of not wearing a ring because his father never wore one. He stated his dad didn’t because he was “old-fashioned” which confused me until I looked up “wedding ring” on Wikipedia and found this statement:
“The double-ring ceremony, or use of wedding rings for both partners, is a relatively recent innovation. The American jewellery industry started a marketing campaign aimed at encouraging this practice in the late 19th century. Learning from marketing lessons of the 1920s, changing economic times, and the impact of World War II, led to a more successful marketing campaign, and by the late 1940s, double-ring ceremonies made up for 80% of all weddings, as opposed to 15% before the Great Depression.”
However, despite this, I told my fiance I would prefer that he wear one because, to me, the ring is a symbol of our commitment (and the subtle “back off” message it sends other women doesn’t hurt either). I was never insulted that he brought the idea up though, and the fact that he said he would wear one happily and the subject never came up again also shows me that he cares about my feelings.
Yeah, it would bother me. I realize it’s kind of silly, but – on the finger or through the nose. His choice. :) Fortunately he was already pretty excited about wearing a ring, so I don’t really have any advice for you. Maybe get some married guys to help convince him?