I’m at that point in wedding planning where I’ve already made a LOT of big decisions but am not ready to tackle the smaller ones yet. So, there is nothing much to report except the lamenting to myself about my dress (that I do not yet have).
I’ve resigned myself to the fact I found THE DRESS and should just stop looking. It imprinted me – it’s fate (for Twilight fans). I found it a year before I even got engaged and after trying on hundreds of others it is still the ONE. Unfortunately however it is also $2k over my budget. Moreover, I truly had an aversion to spending that much money on one dress to wear one time. I tried to find it used, tried to find it at sample sales, and tried it find it on clearance – to no avail.
So even I was surprised when I told my fiancé last weekend that we needed to cut 20 people off our guest list so I can buy THE dress. This did not go over well. It’s not that I am a bridezilla (or is it?) but it’s my wedding and I can cry if I want too and I should wear my dream wedding dress right? I know what this sounds like…do you know what you sound like? Have you noticed yourself whining about the small stuff? Have you noticed yourself turning into (gasp) kind of a bridezilla? It’s happened a couple of times now….and I’ve still got 10 months. Yikes.
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It does seem a little heartbreaking to cut people for a dress, even if it is perfect. Are you even sure they will come? We had lists of “will come” “might come” and “won’t come but they should get an invitation.” how close is your fiancé to these potential cutees?
.-= Jessica’s most recent blog post: Lauren & Chase: The Bridal Session (Mercer Arboretum, Houston, TX) =-.
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Yeah I agree, that;s why I was surprised. However, my fiance’s guestlist has 80 more people on it that mine and it’s been a source of conflict for us since many of those people are more courtesy invites, and not close to us. So it wasn’t as big of a request as it may seem.
I agree with Jessica, it does seem a little much to cut those people from your guest list in order to get THE dress. Do you think looking back that you’ll regret that decision later? Or will you regret not getting your dream dress even more? Is there a way to strike a compromise? Because you do have ten months, and a lot can happen in that time (like the dress becomes available at a lower price). I know, for me, I’ve already changed my mind countless times over big things since my fiance and I had a year and a half long engagement.
The worse thing would be for this to cause resentment in your relationship. If anything, look at the pros and cons. Is it worth it? Make sure the both of you feel good after the decision because as small or big as it may be, it could affect your marriage.
Good luck! Let us know about your decision! :)
I went on and on about this gorgeous dress by Claire Pettibone called Breeze. It was THE DRESS (or so I thought). I loved it (and still do) but I couldn’t justify spending $4500 on a dress that wouldn’t reach my knees and it was half our wedding budget… I mean the WHOLE budget not the dress budget. So, I walked away sad, but knowing I was making the right decision. I found my dress… hand made by Chrissy Wai-Ching, but I still wish I could get the dress. I can’t, but it will be alright. In 5 years, I will look back at our wedding day and be completely happy. It wont matter if I wore the Claire Pettibone or the Wai-Ching. What will matter is that I had a great time in an awesome dress that was a 10th of the price and made completely custom for me.
That said… do what your heart tells you to do! We cut out 2/3 of our guests so that we could afford the wedding we want at a price that we can afford and then we are having an informal reception later (travel was a issue for half our guests anyway and we are going to them now.. so it was win win.)
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i’m planning to pay for my splurge dress with money made from selling off part of my vintage clothing collection. maybe this is something you could think about doing, if you have any stuff you can get rid of. of course, my splurge dress costs a fraction of yours, and i’m a packrat, so this won’t work for everyone!
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Have you considered selling the dress after the wedding? You could have some of that money returned to you, and make another bride very happy.
I hear you though, at one point I was infatuated with anything Amy Kuschel and really wanted to go to the flagship salon with my mother to have something made. Unfortunately that price tag was 2k and up and I wanted to hover around the 1k mark. I’m glad I didn’t make that appointment because the dress I bought was closer to my 1k budget.
Good luck finding the dress! And, if it makes you feel better, I whine about EVERYTHING, not just wedding-related items. :)
.-= Mo’s most recent blog post: Fabric Backdrop Options =-.
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good luck :)
A few weeks ago I was thinking out loud/complaining about some wedding details I was struggling with and my fiance said “don’t be such a bridezilla.” He didn’t say it in a mean way and the smile on his face told me that he thought he was pretty funny. I said “do you even know what that means??” He thought about it and then admitted that he really didn’t. I explained that it’s not even a remotely funny thing to say to your future wife and then I started freaking out that maybe I actually was being a bridezilla. Sigh. This wedding stuff can be rough sometimes.
Wanting your dress to feel perfect is not being a bridezilla but the last thing you want from your perfect dress is for it to make you feel guilty because you spent too much. Take it from an over-budget bride, stick to the budget and it will feel better in the longrun. Happy hunting!
.-= SJ’s most recent blog post: Perfection is not the Point =-.
Have you considered having a dress made? I had a specific vision for my maids and couldn’t find the right design for a budget-friendly price anywhere. I had a good friend who was an amazing seamstress and she helped me piece together the perfect dresses using a fabric I got to choose. Perhaps you can talk to a seamstress about this option, changing a few things along the way to make it uniquely YOUR dress and fit to perfection. Just a thought!
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Thanks ladies, these are all great suggestions. As Ive said, it still does not feel remotely ok to splurge on this dress, but I may try to sell some of my designer duds to make up for the cost or cut corners elsewhere.!
What is the dress you’re looking for? I know you’ve probably done a pretty thorough search, but having all the eyes of the readers looking for you too certainly couldn’t hurt!!
I completely understand. I’ve found myself getting crazy over ridiculous things such as the embossing on the rehearsal dinner invitations – and then I took a deep breath and tried to put things into perspective. However, I think the dress is a BIG part of the wedding day, and you should definitely feel beautiful. Sometimes you have to make cuts in other areas to put more money toward your top priorities. If your wedding dress is one of your top priorities, then the budget should reflect it.
I don’t think you’re a bridezilla. You tried looking for it used and on sale, so you made a big effort at finding your dream dress in your budget. It just didn’t happen. There are some really good suggestions above…like selling your dress after the wedding or getting a talented seamstress to make your dress. Good luck!
The dress is fabulous. I say do what you can to make it happen- including selling it after.
While I wouldn’t personally ever cut people for a dress, I don’t think desire was bridezilla-ish.
I do, however, think that just telling your fiance that 20 people need to be cut because you want this dress (specifically when the 20 people you want cut are presumably HIS people, based on your later comment) is bridezilla-ish. Maybe in the end it does make the most sense to cut those people since they may just be courtesy invites that no one really cares about and it would be better to have you happy in THE dress. But that would be better figured out by approaching it with your fiance in a “I really want this and it means a lot to me…how can we make it happen” way.
It’s when brides start saying “you need to sacrifice this so that I can have what I want” that they start becoming bridezillas. And I think we should tell each other when we’re doing that so we can stop!
If they are courtesy invites they should probably be cut regardless of the dress. It is “your” wedding day and it should be the way you want it. I, for one, would not be ready to spend a ton of money on a dress that I will only wear once; but that is just me. If it is the dress that makes you happy you really should find ways to save money in other, not as important, areas. Cutting the courtesy invites would be logical. A wedding is a big big expense, especially in a bad ecomony. I can’t imagine you fiance’s invites woudl be too distraught over not being invited. If I was to be considered a courtesy invite, I would be greatful to not have to spend the money on a gift, clothes, etc. In conclusion please don’t make it out to be a “Bridezilla’ moment when it is a truely rationalizing moment. Hopefully that helps! Good luck!