Let’s Talk about Location
November 3, 2009 · Posted in life by abby
No, I’m not talking about for our wedding, I’m talking about after the wedding. Here’s a snapshot of our background:
Abby
Pennsylvania -> San Francisco, CA -> Boston, MA-> ?
Ger
England -> Ireland -> Pennsylvania -> San Francisco, CA -> Boston, MA -> ?
As you can see, we’ve been around! We both met in college in Pennsylvania and moved to San Francisco and Boston together. It was important to us to live in new and different cities that offered cultural enriching experiences. This not only helped us grow but also helped us gain independence.
Although we wouldn’t change our experiences, we miss our family and looking to settle down. Seems simple enough, right? Not so fast. How in the world are we going to decide where we are going to settle when each of us are from a different country? Perhaps we never can?
Here are the options that are the table right now.
Option #1
Pittsburgh, PA
Only about 1 1/2 hours from my hometown, it would be very close to my family. The cost of living is much lower than what we are used to and we are closer to most of our friends. However, this would be farther from Ger’s family and more of a challenge for him to fly home.
Option #2
Dublin, Ireland
In Dublin, Ger would be close to his family and finally back home after 7 years. We could travel easily through Europe which would open up a lot of great experiences. To state the obvious, I would be that much farther from my family and would have to adapt to an entire different lifestyle.
Option #3
Boston, Massachusetts
As you know, this is where we currently live. Boston is a great middle ground. It has a lot of history and soul. We love that is it so close to a lot of great cities. The downsides still reside with its high cost of living and lack of both of our families.
We have no idea what we are going to do. We both want to eventually move back “home” but don’t know how to do that.
Do we live in each of our own hometowns for a few years and never feel completely settled because we are constantly moving or do we decide on one place and feel settled but have one of use miss out on having our family close. Going into a marriage it’s definitely something we want to sort out and make sure we are on the same page. It is definitely one challenge of being a “internationally-mixed” couple!
For those of you that are in the same situation, how are you deciding where you are going to live after you get married?
My fiance and are planning staying put in Chicago after we married. We both love the city. I am originally from Milwaukee and Chicago’s not too far away. When we start to have children, we will relocate a little outside of the city.
We are staying put because our jobs and school require us to do so. We’re lucky in that both of our families live in the same area, so it wouldn’t be difficult for us to move back and see them all.
Dublin sounds like fun, and your family would have a place to stay if they visit Europe. :)
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I’m originally from the Seattle area and my hubby’s from LA. He has no interested in moving back to California and now considers Washington to be his home. I love it here and I’m glad to stay put.
I love Pittsburgh though and would love to move to PA. I went to college out there and love the area.
Dublin sounds like fun and if you decide to move back, you could do it before you had kids (I’m assuming that’s a few years out?). I think if you have the chance to live outside the US you should go for it.
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I’m in a very similar situation to you as my fiance is from Scotland. The difference is that we met while I was living abroad - at university and afterward. I’ve been there for 6 years and have really been missing my family and knew that I needed to come back to the States. So, we decided that we will both be coming to the US. Thankfully, he works for a US company so he is getting a transfer. Granted, I’m from New England and we’re going to be moving to Atlanta, so it’s not exactly coming home, but it’s much closer.
I can completely sympathize with you; this is a really tough situation to be in. Dublin is an amazingly fun, young city, and would definitely be worth at least a few years. And, not entirely sure if ROI is much different from Scotland with regards to maternity time, but they give you SO much time off in Scotland, so maybe stay over there until you have babies (if you want babies, of course), and then before they start school move back to the US? That gives you both some time with family. Plus, in my opinion, the education you get in the US is much more well-rounded than what they offer in the UK.
It is horrible, though, isn’t it. Knowing that neither of you can truly be “home” at the same time.
I think it really depends on the health of your family. If they are healthy now and can still travel, you should give them the excuse to travel to you! However, my partner and I are currently in the Midwest with both of our families on the East Coast. He would love to work abroad, but his father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s while he was in graduate school. As well, my mother is the highly stressed primary caretaker of my grandparents. For us, our next move it is important that it is near our parents. We can travel later.
Thank you for all of your advice! This is certainly going to be the biggest hurdle for us during our marriage. It’s hard to just let life happen as I’m a planner by nature. If anyone can figure out how I can be in two places at once, please let me know!
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