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Rach and I really enjoyed compiling our wedding list. It is a great pleasure to visualise your future together even from a very materialistic point of view. We both spent plenty of time trawling through household porn – glasses, pots and pans, mixers, rugs, bed linen etc. and debated / argued over the relative benefits. I was pushing hard for a list compiled solely of wine, a sneaky tactic which made my other suggestions seem less controversial. So… I have selected wine glasses, some dazzling copper pans and a selection of kitchen knives and quietly encouraged friends to buy us wine whereas Rachel has suggested a fabulous mixer, bed linen, a bread-maker and several other highly practical things. We also settled on plenty of things which we were equally enthused about including every decent cook book we could think of and a table for the garden.

{Image credits (from top): Kasumi knife via here; Kitchenaid mixer via here and Lyonnaise frying pan via here}

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{Image via a Stag Weekend Attendee who wishes to remain anonymous}

Last weekend was my Stag weekend. 3 days of fine food, wine, walks, football and much hilarity in a beautiful house on a Loch in Scotland.

Things couldn’t have gone better. Everyone got on (most of the time) and some new bonds were formed; across generations in some cases. Almost 40 years separated the youngest from the oldest but this didn’t get in the way. There were no strippers, nobody was tied to a lamppost (although they did throw me in the Loch) and there were no serious injuries. We didn’t destroy the house and everybody made their respective flights back.

This was a weekend of relaxed hedonism. Our aim was to leave everything except 2 big meals (Friday and Saturday nights) completely in the hands of the group. We wanted everyone to come and go as they pleased. We wanted to see people quietly reading in one room whilst in the next people downed shots over an improvised version of paper, scissors or stone. We wanted to see one group of people trying to shape vodka into lines with a coaster right next to a 60-odd year old being taught to play guitar by his son’s friend. We wanted to galvanise the core group of men at this weekend and make them a powerful collective force on the big day and after. Remembering back through the haze and smoke, I think we succeeded. Well we certainly had a lot of fun!

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{Images top left: Liberty; top left middle: R. Soles; top right: Robyn Kessler; Bottom left: Mick Jagger (Image by Getty, via Glamour); bottom middle: Michael Caine (Image by mptvimages, via IMDB); bottom right: Wayne Coyne (Image via Bona Fide Darling)}

The aesthetic of our wedding is of primary importance to us. The feel we are looking for is that of an English summer party with lounge suits and flowing dresses. It will be relaxed and free-form and guests will be encouraged to wear clothes they feel comfortable in although I think Rachel is keen for there to be plenty of hats.

This is unashamedly based on what we enjoy wearing and allows me to not wear a tie and try to look as much like Wayne Coyne (of Flaming Lips fame) as possible. So… my suit will be black, 3 piece, really quite tight and the jacket will be shortish and 3 buttoned in a roughly late 60’s style. Other inspirations include 60’s and 70’s rockers (Mick Jagger especially) and of course Michael Caine. On my feet will be brown boots in some sort of cowboy style and my shirt will be bright and on theme (maybe peacock blue).

Both mine and Rachel’s outfits are recycled in some way, hers from Oxfam and mine is a suit that used to belong to my uncle (in the 70’s). He wore it to my brother’s christening according it even more significance. I think a new pair of shoes are in order, perhaps from R Soles.

It’s really nice to indulge one’s vanity occasionally and pleasingly in this case everybody seems to think that it is an entirely reasonable way to be.

Who is the inspiration for your groom’s attire?

{Image from Author’s personal collection}

Only a short post this week as Rachel and I are away for the Easter Weekend. I have been out on the golf course discussing weddings with my Dad. I will be writing next week about parents and weddings.

Happy Easter/Passover and see you next week.

Of all the aspects of our wedding I have taken responsibility for, it is the honeymoon that I have thought about the most.

I started off thinking that I should surprise Rachel, whip her in a romantic whirlwind of indulgence and new experiences without preparing her for any of it. This kind of trip still really appeals to me but the trip itself ideally needs to be spontaneous, an event in itself.

I came to the conclusion that the honeymoon should be simple and relaxing (I’m sure we will need it after the big day) and focused on us and our history rather than new experiences. I also wanted Rach to be involved in the planning and knew she had plenty of ideas. So, we are off to our spiritual home, Cornwall to stay in a yurt and then in a cute whitewashed cottage in a small old fashioned fishing village. We will surf, paint, eat and drink incredibly well and just spend the time with each other.

As Rachel noted in her ‘Honeymoon Sneak Peek’ we were pretty wide ranging in our aspirations: Morocco, Thailand, Fiji, Greece, Northumberland and many other exotic locations were considered. The two key words were beauty and relaxation. We had an incredible visit to Morocco a couple of years ago and were blown away by the richness of the culture and the excitement of exploring Marrakesh, the Atlas Mountains, The Sahara and ultimately relaxing in ‘surfy’ Essaouira. We also met a great new friend out in the desert. We were very tempted to embrace the cliché of our generation and visit Thailand and Fiji, partying on the beach charged up on local “whisky”. Maybe we would discover a hidden beach or something! Greece really appealed in terms of lifestyle and almost guaranteed sun while Northumberland has always held a magic appeal for me, just look at those sunrises! The weather of course is not exactly guaranteed.

On reflection however, Cornwall seems such an obvious choice. We love the culture, the beauty, the variation, most of the people. There is great food, some local wine, surf, some really under-rated beaches and hopefully some sun. We will be able to visit our old haunts, included the little town in which we got engaged and eat and stay in all the places we couldn’t quite justify before. We have images of cooking fresh fish (which hopefully we have caught) on our barbecue on the beach. Most of all, we will be able to sit and watch 14 Cornish sunsets contemplating our life together.

Where will you be going on your honeymoon, and how did you make the decision?

In the UK we indulge the rather quaint tradition of Hen and Stag-Dos. I believe in the US they are called Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Conventional activities for Stags include excessive drinking, strip clubs and womanising of all kinds. The idea exists that this is the Stag’s last chance to mess around, his last gasp of freedom. It is also conventional for the groom to be subject to pranks, being tied to a lamppost or occasionally even dumped in a foreign land. The Best Man orchestrates the carnage and a friendly one will ensure that the groom makes it to the church on time. Traditionally, the Stag-Do would take place on the night before the wedding but unsurprisingly there is a certain reluctance to stick to this hard-core principal these days. A concession to the bride and mothers I suppose.

I think that it’s right to indulge the traditional rights of passage for young men but the reality is that I wouldn’t enjoy this sort of Stag-Do and neither would many of my friends. We have arranged a more sedate affair, a weekend in the countryside with fine wine, food and the great outdoors. I have images of cooking animals we have hunted ourselves and reminiscing over whisky into the early hours.

For me the most important aspect of a Stag-Do is the people. It is a chance to gather my best male friends together for a spot of good old-fashioned bonding. Thankfully, this doesn’t need to mean crude jokes and a boarding school mentality. Rather, a chance to bring my disparate groups of friends together with, in this case, mine and Rachel’s Dads. This is a chance for them all to get to know each other properly without the distractions of normal life. I have several fairly distinct bands of friends with which I have separate histories and shared experiences. I want to bring them all together for what will hopefully be a fabulous experience we will all share and which will galvanise this group of people. Plenty of them have had their differences in the past and I hope this will heal rifts and give everyone a clean slate. Of course, it might just be a very combustible weekend.

One thing that has crossed my mind a number of times is that generally the stag is kept in the dark about his do and is really at the mercy of his Best Man. I am surprised at having been kept so firmly in the loop. Is this all a subterfuge? Are we really going to embrace the cliché and blow up animals with bazookas in Eastern Europe? Will I be abandoned, tripping on snake’s blood in Indonesia? Will I find myself tied to a lamppost in Birmingham being taunted by tramps? Will I need every one of the six weeks afterward to make it back to Blighty in time for my wedding? Has anyone seen the film Very Bad Things?

Maybe I should get some holiday insurance.

{Image from Wikipedia}

The Music is the 3rd pillar of our wedding reception triumvirate. Crucial because of the role of music in guiding the tone and the pace of the evening yet difficult to execute. At a house party anyone can get up and stick on a song and the music becomes a way to express oneself and have an immediate impact on everyone else at the party. It is also a big catalyst for conversation (and sometimes argument) and has the (both positive and negative effect) of polarizing the group. The danger of being too prescriptive with music for a wedding is that it inhibits these natural dynamics amongst friends and the feel is much more that of a club with a DJ playing or a band performing. We tried to get around this in 2 ways. First, we conceived the idea of getting our friends to form a band and second we asked a friend of ours to DJ. Our hope was that involving our friends as performers would cement the group together and that the guests would involve themselves much more in the music.

I imagine you are all very rapidly struck by the rather risky nature of this approach. Have any of these guys performed before in any context, let alone together? How will we handle the technical aspects of live performance, sound equipment, generators etc? Will they get too drunk to play?

All extremely pertinent questions. Our DJ, thankfully, has plenty of experience. He has now dedicated his life to DJing and will no doubt “rock the party”. He also has some knowledge of amplification and generators and all these boring technical bits. The only issue is his taste in music is rather different to ours. This should be a good thing but I am shall we say a little reluctant to cede musical control. That said, I imagine I am in a minority in believing that Led Zeppelin will always get the party going and that maybe a bit of breakbeat is more to most peoples taste. I wonder how the older folks will feel about that! Our man has his brief and we have chatted at length about songs he must play and a little about appropriate music for each part of the evening. We know that we can completely trust him though especially after a recent performance at Rachel’s birthday party.

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{Image from Author’s Personal Collection}

Choosing wine for a wedding is a tricky business, especially if you are “in the business”. I’m often called upon to help my clients get the wines just right for their big day. Like me they have pretty fixed ideas but for most people this is not the case.

Some people simplify, they pick their favourite wines and serve them. It is their wedding after all! Others are very aware of their audience and also what the wines they pick say about them. Others still have no interest in wine and serve fabulous buckets of cocktails and beer or just leave it to the caterers. Tragically, plenty of over-bearing fathers and mothers (I suspect I have the potential to be one of these) invest thought and cash into providing perfectly aged classic but interesting wines which get gulped down at an alarming rate by the guests, only to be superseded by the aforementioned capacious cocktails and beer.

The range obviously needs to be limited, ideally to one white and one red (and maybe a sweet wine). It makes a lot of sense to go for a classic and recognisable combination: Red Bordeaux and White Burgundy or New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and Australian Shiraz. It is also a good idea to opt for something that is easy to drink and versatile (with food and without) and in some cases low-ish alcohol is a good idea (German Rieslings fulfil this function extremely well). In an ideal world the wine will match your food and projected weather (not easy in Devon). Ultimately though, for the majority of people the wine is a conduit, a catalyst, a lubricant. It is more important to not get it wrong than it is to hit it out of the park.

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To my mind food, drink and music are the three most important structural aspects of a party; the framework for the more ethereal connections between people and their ideas and emotions. This week we will look at food.

I think food is particularly important at family celebrations. Feasting at family events is a tradition that crosses cultures and has very deep roots in our collective cultural history. For myself and Rachel preparing food with our families is very much a part of our culinary heritage and it was important for us and our families to be closely involved in the selection and preparation for our wedding meal, as we would not be on the day. Thus, we decided on a hog roast (the ultimate feasting food) and we opted for a buffet rather than table service to capture the spirit of a family celebration rather than an event. It was important to us to bond over food with our caterer and we found just the man.

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When I first met Rachel I wasn’t ready to fall in love. Now we are seven years on and I can’t imagine it any other way. I still sometimes feel like that single guy, happy keeping my own company but I now think relationships free you not bind you.

Often the first night means nothing, for us it was crucial. I was lazy and comfortable being so and Rachel was in denial, she was still pretending that she wanted to be with her school sweetheart. That night changed everything, we gently found our way together. We are still very much as we first were, we still bear our own burdens we just lean on each other too.

I have been thinking about proposing to Rachel for 4 years, I can pinpoint it actually, we were in her place in London Bridge and I envied the life that her flatmates had. I thought marriage might solve that. Oddly I wasn’t looking to fill a void, I just thought I should want to fill that void. I’m actually incredibly self-sufficient but now less so every day, happily.

I wanted to propose somewhere that meant something to us. It had to be Cornwall on a beach. I’m not much for set pieces and wanted everything to be as organic as possible and Perranporth enabled that perfectly. I picked a load of perfect spots which Rachel unwittingly steered away from. We seemed to spend all our time in the bar on the beach. I finally managed to corner her with champagne and fish n chips and the obligatory newspaper to mark the day, The Times tragically.

Proposing was incredibly pure and huge, much more than I ever expected. I’m not usually short of words but I was then. She said yes and we rung everyone!

We were pretty swift to get things moving, spring or summer 2009 seemed to fit and we started looking at venues. We had decided that we were happy to part from convention and get hitched somewhere that meant something to us. After much discussion, our old university town started to make lots of sense. Suddenly it was right and we went with it. We found our venue and never looked back.

Rach and I love a good party and we want to firmly imprint ourselves on this one. It’s all in the detail and I will elaborate on each part weekly from now on.

And so here we are, less than 4 months away. I can’t wait!