Beyond the wedding, into a marriage

Contemplating the fact that I’m blogging on the ‘Living’ side of Elizabeth Anne Designs got me thinking [watch out!]. Mostly I thought about being a newlywed, what that means, what you can expect, and how freaking CRAZY it is that I’ve been married for two years already. Is that even possible? I’m embracing my old married hag qualities when I just can’t comprehend how fast time goes with age. I always hated when grown-ups said that but it’s so true, isn’t it?

Being a newlywed is another one of the many roles you play in life.  Remember your first day of school as a kid? No? Me either. Bad example. But I’m sure that was a huge adjustment for your little self. What about your first day of college? Your whole world was about to change and you really had no idea what to expect, even though you likely received an obscene amount of advice from family/friends/complete strangers. While embracing the role of ‘new college grad’ I remember feeling completely overwhelmed, excited, and a wee bit lost. Taking on the role of a newlywed is no different: you think you are prepared but you really have no freaking clue what to expect until you are smack dab in the middle of it all. We’ll call it a learning experience and look back on those first few years of marriage with a fond memories, right? Sure there will be hard times, since life sometimes sucks a big one no matter which hat you are currently wearing. But there will be amazing times, too, and those are the ones I’ll remember best.

So when your Facebook status changes from ‘engaged’ to ‘married’ you can expect an adjustment period full of surprises [good ole FB, ever the perfect symbol for life].  I don’t care if you’ve dated for 10 years, lived together for 5, and already share bank accounts. It’s still different to be married. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Obviously, my perspective on newlywed life is a tiny bit personal as not everyone did it our way. Sure, we dated for 5 years before tying the knot so I knew my husband pretty well [or so I thought]. But we did not live together before our wedding. We did not share bank accounts. And after the wedding I changed my last name. All of these choices made our experience unique and yet, I have a feeling that we all have similar issues at times. The way I see it in my left-brained analytical mind, marriage comes with gains and losses. Not every gain is a positive and not every loss is a negative, but there will always be trade-offs in life. Isn’t there a Physics principle about how every action has an equal but opposite reaction? Ick, Physics. Why are you invading my post right now. Gross.

Here’s my take on the whole newlywed phase thing:

gain: A husband. These things come complete with a sexy new wedding band, ladies. It’s hawt.

loss: A fiance. One with a naked ring finger.

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gain: New monogram, initials, and above all….a new last name. This one will mess with your sense of identity, for sure.

loss: Old, comfy name you learned to write as a child. You’ll need lots of practice with your new signature before it feels right.

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gain: Newlywed bliss [the good, the bad, the ugly]

loss: Wedding planning [same as above]

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gain: Most annoying newlywed question: “How’s married life?”

loss: Most annoying engaged question: “Are you ready for the wedding?”

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gain: Man-whiskers in the sink. They might replicate at record speed when you least expect it.

loss: Your roommate’s additional wardrobe choices. When your closet sucks you have no other options…unless your husband is the same size as you and into feminine styles.

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gain: Weight, as you learn to eat like a man. If he eats 4 slices of pizza then I should, too.

loss: Portion control. Apparently I forgot to stop eating when I was full. Huh. Go figure.

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gain: A warm body in bed. Snuggle time, what?

loss: The TV remote. Get ready for lots of the Golf channel and ESPN. Goodbye HGTV and TLC.

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gain: Compromising skills. [ie: pick your battles, ladies]

loss: Selfishness [ie: doing what you want, when you want to do it because you can. You can still do this but you'll have to explain yourself later.]

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gain: A second computer [score! a true marriage saver, too, I might add.]

loss: Pink and purple bedding [he might have burned it in a bon fire?]

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gain: A second opinion on budgets, finances, bills [barfy adult stuff]. Say it with me now, it’s “OUR” money.

loss: I feel like buying a new designer handbag so I will. Done and done. It’s totally “MY” money.

What did I miss? I’m sure there are many other gains/losses you’ll experience as a newlywed. But my best advice to the newbie marriages out there? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. You’ll never experience years like these again….make them count. And remember, ” The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process. It is an achievement.” ~David and Vera Mace