All You Need is Love… & Separate Bank Accounts?
June 24, 2009 · Posted in finance, kate, newlywed life, savings by kate
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I used to scoff at couples who claimed to marry solely for love but yet still insisted on that ugly ol’ prenup… Talk about unromantic and pessimistic, right? Then I went to law school where I was introduced to Community Property States by adorable (but scary), crotchety Professor F. And as he lectured on survivorship rights and traceable mutations, two thoughts consistently popped into my head:
- “Mrs. F is totally screwed if they ever get divorced.”
- Charlotte York firmly telling Bunny McDoogle: “I’m worth a million.”
Now, this is not the post where I tell you that I hollered “we want prenup, we want prenup, yeeeah” (sorry: shameless pop culture reference) - quite the opposite, in fact. But understanding how our state views a married couple’s money and property (in Texas, what’s mine is Evan’s and what’s Evan’s is mine) gave me a whole new appreciation for having an agreed upon financial plan.
piggy bank by Esty seller Dog Star Designs
We started talking finances a couple months before saying “I Do” in an attempt to starve off those scenarios that result in money acting as the number one reason for marital discord. For us, its easiest to live off of Evs’ paycheck and (for the most part) save mine. Once every 2 months (so every fourth check) my check gets deposited into a “Fun Account” for travel or other large items we want but don’t need. The rest goes towards a down payment in the “House Account.” As far as day-to-day spending goes, we pared down the number of credit cards and set some ground rules. Before getting married, we each had various credit cards. We picked the two that give us the most bang for our buck (rewards wise), added us both to the account, and cancelled the rest. The majority of our daily expenses go onto those cards or onto our separate store accounts (Brooks Brothers, Banana Republic, Nordstrom, Neimans) - all of these accounts must be paid in full every month. We have a standing “consult if its a personal item more than $100″ rule”… Evs’ gets a gold star for following this rule, while my Marital Finance Report Cards reads “needs improvement.”
Its not for everyone but this situation works well for us for the most part. However, I can’t help but feel a little like I’m on an allowance. As someone whose been in school for twenty years, I still get a little thrill every two weeks when I collect my regular paycheck (yes, my firm does not have direct deposit…and yes, this is superbly annoying). And sometimes I just want to take that paycheck and invest a third of it on something pretty for my feet without a second thought.
But, then again, I’d also like to be sittin’ pretty in retirement before I’m 89 - preferably with a husband who hasn’t gone mad with rampant handbag bills.
How do you handle the finances in your relationship? What works for you?
Amen about feeling like you are on an allowance. That’s what REALLY bothers me about our financial situation. My husband has over $230,000 in debt from medical school. It is ALL 100% educational (neither of us had any credit card debt, car loans, I had no debt whatsoever)… so obviously, we want to pay it off. So, my husband instituted a “no spend” rule. Nevermind that I work 80+ hours/week busting my own tush, I’m not allowed to spend any of the money I earn, because it all goes to paying off my husband’s debt. Before we were married, I used to save X amount/month, and the rest was mine to do as I pleased. Some months, I’d spend it all. Other months, I’d save it and buy something really nice and fabulous a few months later. But regardless, I had my own money to spend.
Now, I feel like I’m a kid on an allowance. I had to literally beg and plead to buy a new lens for my camera — after not spending any money (outside of groceries, etc.) since December, my husband finally “allowed” me to get the lens as a birthday gift to myself. I mean, seriously? I have a job, and I need permission to spend my income? It blows.
But, his loans are also accumulating 6-7% interest so we want to pay them off. And once he is done with residency and making actual money, we’ll have more to spend as we so need. But it really sucks when all I want is a $6 strainer from Bed, Bath & Beyond and I have to sneak it in the house or pretend like someone else bought it for me because it’s not on the permissible spending list. Delayed gratification is hard when the delay is 10-15 years.
Disgruntled Julie’s most recent blog post: Temporary Delays
With our wedding coming up in less than a month, this was a big discussion for us just a little while ago. We got really lucky in the fact that, for the most part, we look at our finances about the same way { minus my need for what he deems, overpriced clothes, shoes and accessories}.
The best way we could think to figure it out was to sit down and make a budget. Very simple for most people: for me, not so much because I have never made a budget { horribly irresponsible, i know }. Luckily for us too, our debt is small but about equal: he has student loans, i have a car payment. So we basically added two paychecks each { one month pay}, and subtracted all the bills, stuff that must be paid every month, etc. and then divided the rest into savings and the rest into fun. I’m sure our plan will evolve in many ways one we join bank accounts and change our spending habits and become more eager to put money into savings for a house. But right now, as silly as it sounds, since we’ve already been living together, I’m looking forward to kissing goodbye the “I bought groceries last night so can you pay for dinner tonight? ” conversations.
Miss Charleston Bride’s most recent blog post: { hush, hush }
Love you guys and your financial plan…..when do beneficiaries get to join?!?! ;)
