I’m a Talker. My husband, like most men, is a Fixer.
Let me explain…
{credit: Charles & Hudson}
Having discovered the wonders of therapy at a youngish age, and having spent one whopping semester as a psych major (I switched after deciding that Spanish Literature and Language would be oh so much more relevant to my daily life), I am definitely a gal that likes to vent. While I’m not usually a whiner (at least, I hope I’m not), when I’ve had a hellacious day or something is truly bothering me, I like to come home, pour myself a glass of wine, and emote.
One of the perks of this whole “marriage deal” is having someone legally required to listen to your rants… or so I thought. These days, its seems like I’m only a fourth of the way through my list of “Ways the World Wronged Me” before Evan has “A Plan.” Then, all of a sudden, I’m updating my resume or signing up for a boot-camp or contributing more to my 401k, when all I really wanted to do was some cathartic bitching.
This is an interesting roll reversal as I am the one with the umpteen To-Do Lists and the calming yogi breathing exercises and the color-coded calendar and the “put on your big-girl panties and deal with it” attitude. But sometimes those big-girl panties get a little snug and I just need to talk (and talk and talk) about it. And that’s the point at which I feel like chucking my stemless wine glass at My Husband The Fixer’s noggin.
Don’t misunderstand – I appreciate the fact that I have someone who cares about me enough to want to make all my problems disappear. And I realize that (infuriatingly) Evan’s almost always right – I would feel better if I did X, Y, or Z. Additionally, I know from the grander, sociological (my other major – um, again, so incredibly useful) scheme of things, most decent men tend to be solution-oriented – so I can’t fault the Hubs for taking up the Fixer Man Mantle.
So what of my need to verbally dissect life’s little hiccups?
Long (Preachy, Self-Help) Answer: I’m discovering more every day that I’m a much happier person and a much better companion if I don’t expect my spouse to be everything I need all the time.
Short Answer: That’s what girlfriends and half-priced bottles of champagne are for!
Twitter: @greylikes
Kate!
Fabulous article. I absolutely love it!
Grey Likes Weddings’s most recent blog post: Engagement Session: VW Love
Twitter: @duolynoted
Ha, ha. That is my husband too. Our conversations usually end with me exclaiming “I DON’T’ WANT YOU TO FIX IT I WANT YOU TO LISTEN!”
Melissa’s most recent blog post: Secret Confession…
[...] the original post here: Mr. Fix-It | Newlyweds and Nesting: Elizabeth Anne Designs Living … Related [...]
Twitter: @sillylittle
I generally tell hubby at the beginning of the conversation, I just want to complain. If he doesn’t want to listen, he can tell me that.
Linda’s most recent blog post: Kitchen Decor-Check
Twitter: @blueeyedbridÉ
so glad todd isn’t the only one. i vent and vent and he always wants to have answers. doesn’t he know that i like to complain and hear myself complain?! :)
Twitter: @EthidiumBromide
I am absolutely the same way — some days, I just want to VENT. I have told my husband a thousand times that I would just like to vent and get it out of my system, and a few hours later he can start with suggestions, but I do NOT want to hear suggestions immediately. He never listens, and it is so frustrating. Especially because I typically want to vent about my career, which is different from his, so most of his suggestions aren’t particularly useful, given what I do!
Disgruntled Julie’s most recent blog post: Patriotic Desserts
Twitter: @MojitoMaven
oh how we have had his convo mnay a time…as i told you last thursday, sometimes you just need to vent and have them listen instead of trying to offer advice or fix it.