Comments on: I Got Married…And Didn’t Change My Name

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Yeah, I’m a little late on this one, but what the heck. I hyphenated my last name, Mrs. Mylastname-hislastname and it was probably the worst decision I ever made. I was kind of forced to compromise because I didn’t want to change, and he was hurt by the fact that I didn’t want to take his name. I’m *almost* divorced (no not because of the name thing, heh) and I can’t WAIT to just be me again.

And it’s weird, because like Allison for the longest time I was looking forward to changing my name, but not because it is hard to pronounce, but because it is “Needham” (Nee-dahm). I don’t know how many times someone in school asked, “Hey, do you NEED some HAM? HAHAHAHAHA!!!”

But when the time came, I just felt like I would be losing a part of my identity; and for me it was also like I would be absorbed by his family, who are overbearing, nosy, interfering, and just really negative. I didn’t want that, and I should have stood by my decision.

By: Frances

Frances — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 11:41:45 +0000

Wow…how refreshing! I accidentally stumbled across this post and I’m so glad I did. I’ve been struggling to no avail over this name change thing and I, too, find myself surounded by the people who just don’t seem to “get it.” It’s me. It’s my name. It’s who I am. My identity. No one blinks an eye or dreams of asking a man to ever change his name. Ummmm…so why should I???? Thank you for this post and everyones supportive comments. I never knew so many people existed with the same feelings…

By: Jessica N.

Jessica N. — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:01:50 +0000

I never considered changing my name and my husband, knowing me so well, wasn’t in the least bit surprised. I am a fiercely independent woman and I saw changing my name as giving up part of my identity. It drove me crazy that every single wedding card we got – even the ones from my husband’s dad and my grandmother, who I thought knew me better than that – were addressed to Mr. and Mrs. So and So. No one automatically assumed that my husband was going to change his name, but of course it was a given that I would change mine.

I made a point of addressing all our thank you cards and all of these years holiday cards with my last name, so people would get the hint, and still everyone insists on calling me by my husband’s last name. When I was talking to some acquaintances about post-married life, they asked me if it felt weird having a different last name and were shocked – SHOCKED – when I told them I kept my name.

I really don’t get why it is so surprising in this day and age that a woman would want to keep her name. It’s been my identity for 28 years, I’m not giving that up. What especially annoys me is when people refer to me as Mrs. “My husband’s first and last name.” They want to strip me of my first name too? Oh hell no!

I just found out that Jay-Z is taking Beyonce’s last name. Hopefully that will go a little way toward breaking down gender stereotypes!

By: regina

regina — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:55:13 +0000

i got married in may and didn’t think twice about changing my name…until it came down to actually doing it. in my mind if something doesn’t seem natural then i shouldn’t do it! i tried out adding his name for a while and it was ok THEN the holiday cards started rolling in this month and they are all addressed to “The So-& Sos” or “Mr & Mrs So & So ” and it completely annoys me. Its as if my entire 33 years prior just vanished into thin air. THANK GOODNESS I didn’t file any of the paperwork! Ms. Maiden for life!

By: Lori

Lori — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:51:59 +0000

I have been married for over two years and I did not change last name either. It was a decision my husband and I both decided on. He is not bothered by it, because we are till legally married. Although people call me by both my married and maiden name. I doesn’t get confusing anymore.

By: Stephanie Cross

Stephanie Cross — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:11:55 +0000

I didn’t change my last name. I never wanted to change it. I always said I would have my last name till I died. We had our son before we were married and yes, he does have four names. So does his father. My last name is our son’s second middle name. I didn’t want to hyphenate my son’s name. Plus, his dad’s is hispanic and my last name is very anglo, too weird together. My husband does tease me about it sometimes that I didn’t take his name, but he does understand that it is my choice. I also have had my last name longer than he has had his. I am eight years older than him. When I send out cards I refer to us as the my last name-his last name family, but it still is hard for some people to understand.

By: stee

stee — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:02:32 +0000

I didn’t change my name but I don’t correct people who call me Mrs. Jones or address mail to Mr. & Mrs. Jones because just by getting married that makes me Mrs. Jones!
I think to be offended that people aren’t assuming you’ll stay Miss Doe once you married Mr. Smith is a little self-absorbed. Just roll with it and be nice. It doesn’t change your politics or ethics to be nice.

By: Encore Bride

Encore Bride — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:34:09 +0000

I am not changing my name as well. I’m an encore bride and during my first marriage I gave in and changed my name. I am in the military and received a promotion around the same time I married, it was weird to one day be called Specialist Lugo* and the next week I became Sergeant Smith*, people were confused and so was I. After my divorce that was the only thing I wanted, my maiden name back. I also grew up in PR were women don’t change their last names and children simply have two last names: their paternal followed by their maternal last name. The way I see it mine will also have two last names. I believe if women researched history and why women had to change their names less of them would. Thanks for sharing your story!
Encore Bride’s most recent blog post: The Encore Bride Fitness-30 Day Shred Challenge

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:51:57 +0000

I applaud your ability to make your own decision based on what is right for YOU! Brideas ask me my opinion on this all the time. Really I have no idea why, it is such a personal decision. Maybe it is because my name is a hyphenated so they think I have some hidden insight.

I agree people seem confused at first but they figure out. So good for you!

By: Paula

Paula — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:31:20 +0000

I will not be changing my name -and this decision was not even slightly hard. Why would I need to? The thought of changing my name truly never occurred me. The idea of changing my perfectly fine name is as odd to me as it probably would be for a lot of guys..

When it comes to children, we will be giving our kids his last name (we are expecting our first child). This is simply due to the fact that we are an international couple and his last name is MUCH easier to pronounce (and comprehend) in most languages than mine. :) But both my sister and my brother have given their children the mother’s last name, both for reasons of their own. So for us as well giving my name was a very appropriate option.

I have had a different last name than my mother all of my life and I can tell you that it makes zero difference in how much you feel like a family unit. At one point we had four different last names in our family and that really was fine to live with.