Recently I’ve been overwhelmed by baby shower offers, which is an incredibly pleasant thing to be overwhelmed by if you ask me. However, as someone who didn’t really intend on having a shower (maybe an open house type after baby?) I haven’t given any thought at all to a registry. When a close friend brought up the idea once again I said yes and the planning began. I would have preferred to use alternate registry options, such as my personal favorite Wishpot, but the host (who is also a mother to an 8 month old) advised creating one at a physical location as well. I chose Babies”R”Us for its close proximity to my apartment, making returns easier just in case any well-intentioned guests decided to veer off the registry and pick up items we know we won’t use, and set about creating an online wish list of things I’d be able to open with a genuine smile.
My favorite item found on my Wishpot registry. I’m sure my organic farmer father would love to see his first grand-baby wearing this! From seller Twig and Closer on Etsy.
Aside from the daily “registry update” emails I seem to be unable to escape from, creating this second registry wasn’t so bad. Except at the very beginning, when they forced me to put down my due date to continue the sign-up process! Though I’ve been a bit more liberal about tossing it out toward the end, for the most part my exact due date has been held close. I’ve heard the stories from other women, detailing how miserable those last few weeks are, which is often compounded by the endless inquiries dropped in casual conversation by well-intentioned yet clueless strangers making jokes along the lines of “You still haven’t had that baby yet?” Trust me, with cankles, tiny feet in her ribs, trips to the bathroom on the hour every hour, heartburn, and the inability to lift herself off the floor, she would like to be able to provide you with an answer other than “Nope, not yet” accompanied by a rather forced smile.
This is why, on the Babies”R”Us registry… I lied. I pushed the date back by several days, hoping it might eliminate some of those questions for me. When people ask when I’m due, instead of responding with a due date, I give a due month, April. According to the American College of Midwives, only 5% of babies are born on their actual due date. Baby is considered full term at 37 weeks and can bask in my uterus for about 42, and so I think it’s silly to pinpoint a specific date on the calendar. As my belly gets bigger, and I start to look more miserable, I’m going to hold firm to my belief in the due date. There is no magic number, baby will come when s/he is ready and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Will you join me in my anti due-date campaign?
Let’s rephrase the question from “When are you due?” to “What month are you due?”. That way, the woman can decide what route she wants to take. If voicing the actual due date is important to them they can, but if they’re like me they’ll be free to answer however they please.
Oh, and if I respond to your question (no matter how you phrase it) with “April”, please don’t lean in and say “I mean, what day?” I feel bad when I feel cornered into telling lies, even little white ones that save my sanity.
[...] Visit Elizabeth Anne Designs living today to read the post that explains why I don’t have one of those little ticker/countdown widgets on my sidebar alerting how many days I have left until baby comes. [...]
I tend to completely ignore the due “day” because I have never known a single mom who EVER gave birth on the day. I have only ever cared about the month, so I suppose I’m already on your bandwagon! When/if (let’s hope!!!) I am pregnant, I will do the same! Great advice.
Twitter: @edb26
I have a friend from law school who, when she was due, starting about 2 weeks before, was getting constant calls from family members and friends asking if she had had the baby yet. She was pretty annoyed. She told them that as soon as she had the baby, they would know. I may have told her to throw her cell phone under a bus.
I think that I will join you in lying. First babies are usually late, so why not just push the date back 2 weeks? Then everybody is just pleasantly surprised that the baby came early. Or you could actually have the baby and not tell anyone :-p.
In all fairness, the question “when are you due” is not specifically asking for a date, and the responder is free to say “whenever the baby wants, but probably sometime in April.”
.-= Ellie’s most recent blog post: Feel Good Friday: Craft it Forward =-.
Twitter: @ErinSea
I wouldn’t mind a bit if I asked a pregnant mom when she was due and she just told me a month. It would be pushy for me to ask for something more specific. If I ask at all it’s just because I want to join in her anticipation. Whenever I get pregnant though, I will probably give the estimated day. I think most people understand that it isn’t a FedEx guarantee, but just a prediction. If I trained myself to think only November I think I would be a lot more anxious on November 1st if the baby wasn’t coming, and even more so if we pushed past into December even by a day!
.-= Erin’s most recent blog post: Square Foot Gardening: Phase 2 – Planting =-.
Two of my sisters-in-law had their little girls on the due date, and I was so amazed! How often does that happen?? How cool!
And then I found out they were induced.
Oh.
Okay. That makes more sense. But why deal with pitocin labor if you could just wait a couple more days or so? Then again, I’ve never been in labor, so I can’t imagine how those last days feel. :)
.-= JessicaMayLords’s most recent blog post: "We’re trading comfort for human life… and that’s not just murder, it’s suicide…." =-.
Yes!!!! I always just tell people “early June”. This is not only helpful for scheduling maternity leave (no one bats an eye when I say I’m leaving after Memorial Day!) but babies come when they feel like it. I have never known a baby who came on the right day, and due dates are based on something that seems totally arbitrary (40 weeks from your last period, no matter how regular/irregular your periods are).
I think the idea of having a due month rather than date isn’t necessarily for everyone else’s benefit (and avoidance of questions), but more for the mother’s sanity! Too many women are given this specefic date then FREAK OUT when one day goes over, run to the doctor, and beg to be induced. Having a window of time rather than a date will help the anxious, waiting mother more than anyone else!
Amen sister!
Twitter: @Just1Week
I had never ever thought about this before. Thanks for opening my eyes to this!
.-= Erin’s most recent blog post: LobotoME Giveaway =-.
Nah, I prefer to know the exact due date, even though I know it isn’t set in stone. I have 3 beautiful children, and I’ve never once freaked out when the due date came and went. I just went with the flow. But, then again, I’m very detail-oriented, which demands an exact due date, otherwise I freak out.
Twitter: @annesmithsc
If I ask when a friend is due, I happily accept any information she offers. Day, month, season (late spring, etc) – whatever feels best. I hope most others would feel the same! No need to have a public countdown so you are constantly bombarded by reminders… Take the celebrity route and just say “early next fall” or what have you. Be vague – your belly, your discomfort, your absolute right! :)
[...] to come across as grumpy pregnant lady, but there aren’t enough people out there who read this post. I know everyone is anxious to meet That 1, but I assure you, no one is more anxious than I am. [...]