When my husband and I first moved in together, we were both working full time, and evenings were a time to relax. After dinner we’d curl up on the couch to watch some TV or I’d write blog posts while he played video games. Boring tasks like cleaning the house, doing laundry and going to the supermarket, were relegated to the weekend. We didn’t have a schedule for these recurring responsibilities; we just did them when we felt like them (or at the last minute before having guests over our apartment), which, in hindsight, wasn’t the best plan because we got in the habit of putting them off… and off… and off…
Now we live in a two story house with even more surface area to keep clean and have a dog for whom we are responsible. My husband still works full time, and although I only have a very part-time job, I still put off doing chores until the weekend when we can do them together. Why? Partly habit, partly because cleaning is not fun, and I’d rather spend my day doing more enjoyable things like writing and trolling the blogosphere. Given the choice, I would even rather drag myself to the gym in 11 degree weather to do 30 minutes on the elliptical machine than scrub toilets and tubs.
But lately I’ve been thinking about my role in our marriage. Although I have no intention of ever becoming the June Cleaver-type of wife, the truth is that, for now, I am home while my husband is at work. If I have the time (and I’m sure I could find it), wouldn’t I want to do whatever I could to make his life easier when he gets home late? Wouldn’t I want to get some of the boring housework out of the way during the week so that our weekends are free to spend time together doing fun things?
There’s no way that I’m ever going to jump out of bed in the morning and wonder in excitement what chores I have the privilege of doing that day. Instead, I will need to build household chores into my daily routine. If I can do one or two chores every day, by the weekend, there should be little (if not nothing) left to do. I won’t have to scramble on a Friday or Saturday evening to tidy before friends coming over for dinner. I won’t have to worry about being embarrassed by the dust on our side tables or the water stains in the bathroom sink.
Growing up I spent my summers at an 8-week overnight camp in the Pocono Mountains. Twice daily our bunks were inspected for cleanliness. To ensure that one person wasn’t stuck with “sinks and johns” duty every day, we had a job wheel that we would rotate daily. The outer ring had a list of chores like sweeping and dustpan and garbage, and the inner ring had our names.
Maybe what I need to do is create some sort of grown-up job wheel for myself, a chore chart that breaks down the tasks that need be done by day. For example, Monday is bathroom day, Tuesday is laundry day, Wednesday is vacuum day, etc. Or, do I pledge to do one load of laundry each day, rather than four or five on a single day? Vacuum one room a day instead of the whole house at once?
Real Simple has a daily cleaning checklist on its website, but I can’t imagine it would only take me 30 minutes to knock off everything on their list. The blog Unclutterer also has tips for mastering recurring responsibilities. And of course, Martha Stewart has her own checklists – a daily version and a weekly one.
I would love to know how you delegate chores in your household and if get them done daily, weekly or as needed. Have you and your spouse mastered your recurring responsibilities?
(Images via marthastewart.com)
We are so bad about this! Morgan’s jobs are taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher and his own laundry. I end up covering the other stuff- but I am the one making the mess in the kitchen, etc. Also, we have a housekeeper every other week. Otherwise, things like mopping would just not happen- I work 50-60 hours a week (and hate to clean!).
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[...] over at Elizabeth Anne Designs Living today discussing my resistance towards becoming the next June Cleaver and debating whether a [...]
Twitter: @cheesefiend
It’s so hard to balance the housework between the two of you when one spouse spends more time working outside the home. I have a full time job… but my work day ends at 4:30 every day, without fail. Evan is at the office until 9 or 10 most work nights. He also makes significantly more money than I do. Therefore, I feel like housework is another way in which I can “contribute” to the partnership. Perhaps that’s slightly old-fashioned but it works for us! He does help out with our 1x monthly “deep clean” (baseboards, polishing the hardwood, etc) and he takes out the trash and recycling.
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Twitter: @printsnpeonies
Thank you for this post! I love the Real Simple Checklist (and yeah…there’s no way I’d get that done in 30 minute either). I agree with Kate, Scott earns more than I do, and though I’m working full time now, I wasn’t for the past 5 months. I definitely resented having to clean both of our messes all by myself, but I’d just remind myself that I was at home all day, so why not do whatever I could to make both of our lives easier…and our leisure time more enjoyable.
Though for the life of me I cannot get a hold of our laundry. It overtakes our basket, our closet, and eventually our bedroom. Gah I hate it, but after proving himself un-trustworthy with some of my favorite clothes, Scott is banned from laundry duty.
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Twitter: @pjfeinstein
Samma – I would LOVE to have a housekeeper. I’m trying to convince my husband, J, that we should have a cleaning service come once a month to do a deep clean.
Kate – Maybe there is nothing wrong with being “old-fashioned” if it makes both partners in the marriage happy! While I hate it, I’m also beginning to realize that (since I’m not making as much money as my hubby) doing housework could be my way of contributing.
Liz – Why is it that laundry is impossible to contain?! In our room have dirty laundry baskets waiting to go downstairs and clean ones waiting to be put away. But I’m VERY picky about how my clothes are washed, so I ultimately do it all, too.
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Twitter: @acambridgestory
Great post. I think this is something every couple struggles with. My husband and I are still figuring out how to divvy up these duties. On the one hand, I feel I should do more because his hours are longer/crazier and he does make more money (also, I ask him to do the traditionally male tasks of changing lightbulbs, etc). On the other hand, I take on more responsibility with our dog, do the grocery shopping, pay bills and take classes on top of working full time. Right now, I chip in when I can during the week, otherwise we both contribute to cleaning on the weekends. Also, we have someone do a deep scrub every month. We agreed that $80 every so often was worth the time spent not doing/bickering about chores – but our cleaning routine is certainly a work in progress.
.-= Emily @ A Cambridge Story’s most recent blog post: Afghani-inspired chickpeas and squash =-.
My husband and I both work full-time, but I do most of the chores. It’s a battle I’m tired of fighting, so I just do it! I did get a Roomba recently, which has been beyond helpful in keeping my floors clean. I still use the regular vacuum from time to time, but the Roomba does a great job with the day-to-day cleaning.
Hi,
My site is really for kids but I guess you and your husband could be “kids” and use it? ha!
Enjoy!
Thanks
Gregg
Twitter: @pjfeinstein
Emily – It’s reassuring to know that coming up with a cleaning routine is something that every couple struggles with. Also, your days may be shorter/less crazy that your husband’s, but you do a heck of a lot!
Stephanie – If only the Roomba could also dust and do toilets…
Gregg – Thanks!
.-= PJ’s most recent blog post: am i an aries or a pisces =-.
PJ- We have been off and on dealing with this since I moved in with my husband 2ish years ago. His main responsibility is to take out the trash. When I was first living here and working full time, we had a housekeeper about every 6 weeks to do the deep clean. For the past year I was working part-time or job searching so the housekeeper went by the wayside and I did everything myself.
Now, I’ll be transferring back to a part-time and eventual full-time schedule and I think we’ll probably go back to our every six weeks routine. I do all of our laundry due to personal preference and I have made it a priority to do it one day a week. It’s going to be hard giving up a weekend day and it may become more than a team effort but I used to be so bad about doing my laundry when I was younger and can’t put up with that anymore. We have a W/D in the condo so I have no excuses. We also work out a lot so the sweaty clothes have to be cleaned as soon as possible so they last longer.
I’m sure you’ll find your balance as we’ll find our new arrangement. We don’t have enough storage space to have all of the millions of cleaning supplies that the housekeeper has so I am really looking forward to having a sparkling house again! She is worth every last penny and more. If it’s something you can afford, I can assure you, it’s great to have a professional come through and hit up the spots you might miss in your weekly light cleans.
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My boyfriend and I live together in my house. He doesn’t help with anything without a lot of asking and when he does do some work, he complains the whole time. i pay for everything and we have a male roommate who also cleans only his room. I’m trying to come up with a cleaning schedule that can be delegated out between us all. It’s like I’m living with teenager boys while everyone is over 30. Some how they think that since it’s my house that I should be doing all the cleaning since I like it clean. This makes no sense to me because if we were renting would it be different. We all use the common areas and make messes and it’s not just a woman’s job to clean. Sigh Thanks for the ideas of cleaning.
Forget chore charts. Use http://upsees.com for splitting chores. It’s free and it actually works.