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Not long after my husband and I were married I shared with you my reasoning behind why I didn’t change my last name and today I figured it might be time to share with you why I got married. I’m sure it seems pretty straightforward to most of you, but as it turns out there is at least some degree of confusion among people as to why two individuals might decide to get married. My reasoning behind marriage was pretty simple – I wanted to be a wife. While this may not seem like a shocker to you, allow me to clarify for a moment – I got married because I wanted to be a wife; I did not get married because I wanted to be a mother. At least in my world, the things are two wildly different roles, one of which I do not aspire to add to my list of credentials.

{Photo via Girls Just Wanna Have Funds}

Allow me to preface this conversation by noting that I love children, especially toddlers because they melt my heart, and I adamantly support my friends and family who have elected to make parenthood a part of their lives. I love and have limitless respect for women who chose to be mothers. (Thanks, Mom!) I simply don’t want to be one. Not now. Possibly not ever. Shockingly, in 2010 this is still an incredibly outlandish concept in most circles I run in so I thought I’d throw it out on the table so others who share my feelings can rest assured – you are not alone. There are at least a few of us running around out here in the wild who have no desire to be a mommy, despite society’s shock and awe at the thought of a woman not becoming a mother at some point in her adulthood.

So. Why did I get married? Simply put, because I love my husband and I wanted to spend my life with him. I wanted to be his partner, his confidant, his best friend, his biggest fan and his partner in crime for all the days of my life. In turn, I wanted someone to travel the world with, to grow with, someone to challenge me to do better, and to spend my days with someone whose very presence makes accomplishments large and small infinitely more meaningful and more exciting. In other words, I got married to share my life with him and in turn to share his life with him. It just so happens, Mike is the greatest person I know and I love him dearly so it only made sense he should be that person. I got married because I wanted to be his wife, partner, friend and coach. Becoming parents is irrelevant to all the ways we love each other and all the ways we’re committed to each other so while I can’t say definitively we’ll never be parents, it certainly played no role in if we got married. If we decide to become parents, that commitment will be a separate oath we take on the day we decide to go down that path. Until then, I’m no less of a wife nor any less of a person because I have no plans to become a mother.

With all that said, it has to be noted that six months into marriage I’m growing a little weary of all the people who won’t give up on their quest to beat us into submission with regards to their will for us to have a baby. I find it incredibly odd that before you’re married, most socially-adjusted people wouldn’t even think about inquiring about your sex life at every family gathering and social occasion, but once you’ve signed a marriage license all bets are off – your sex life can be mentioned, without fear of recourse, at will pretty much any time of day or night, regardless of the appropriateness of the situation. Honestly, what is with people constantly asking me when I’m going to have a baby? What if we were trying to have a baby and we couldn’t for some reason? Does anyone ever stop to think about how horribly inappropriate it is to butt into someone else’s plans, or lack thereof, to procreate? And, while we’re at it, if even one more person tells me that my “clock is ticking,”  that my “eggs are dying” or that it’s “your turn next” I might scream. No. It is not my “turn” – this is not a board game. This is life, people! Motherhood is not something you pick up on a whim while you’re out at the mall shopping, it’s an incredibly important decision that can only be made between the people involved, not an issue up for public debate. Life is not a democracy and you get no say in my decisions regarding reproduction.

I’ll save my laundry list of reasons for not wanting to be a mother for another post (and why, if I do decide to be a mom, I’ll probably be adopting), but for now suffice it to say that the motivation behind my getting married was to be married, not to be a parent. Whatever your reasoning for getting married, I support it, and I’d love if even a few more people could support mine. Oh, and while we’re at it, if you could stop telling me that I’m “young” and that I’ll change my mind it would be very much appreciated. Whether you like it or not, I’m not having a baby. Final answer.

My New Year’s resolution is to just do – no more procrastinating, putting things off or wavering with my decisions. It is time to get things done – in our house, at work, with my blogs, etc. Another incentive for getting our house in shape, is my mother-in-law and sister-in-law upcoming visit. It is crunch time to get our house organized and looking fantastic. The last time Nick’s mother visited we’d only been here a month so it was half painted and barely decorated.

Our “Home Sweet Home” was introduced in this post, and has changed a bit since those photos, but we still have a lot to do to make it truly “sweet.” We can’t afford to do everything I want all at once, so I’ve selected a few less expensive projects to complete before they arrive. The first room to tackle is the dining and living room. This room opens up into the entry and is the first room you see when you walk into the house. These photos show some views as of November, hence, the Halloween/Thanksgiving decor. Sorry for the terrible photos; they were taken at night before a dinner party.

Please ignore that beautiful plaid, hand-me down sofa peeking out in the corner and pretend it is a fabulous tan or green sofa from Pottery Barn. For now, it stays. I try to ignore it. Also, pretend you don’t notice the horrifying vertical blinds. For now, the blinds provide privacy and a break from the constant sun. Those will be dealt with during their visit. I might not have mentioned that my MIL is an interior designer.* During her visit, she is planning to help me choose, purchase or order and possibly hang curtains.

My short term to-do list for this space includes:

1. Find chairs. I know exactly what dining table chairs I want. However, they are relatively expensive, so I’m hoping to find some cheap yet attractive chairs to paint black and hold me over until I save up for the ones I really want. The black folding chairs aren’t doing it for me!
2. Get a gallery wall up. To the right of the dining table, I really want to do a wall filled with black frames showcasing old family photos, wedding photos, etc. This is one of those things I’ve been putting off pulling the trigger on for the past few months. Now is the time.
3. Organize and style the bookcases. I threw the books and magazines in the shelves right after I put them together, so I want things to be a bit more styled and edited.
4. Remove and repaint chandelier. The light fixture is brown speckled with black. A quick swash of black spray paint and one other small touch should do the trick to make it look more fantastic.

The long-term to-do list includes so many more items, but these will get me to a place where I actually like this space and finally feel at home. Plus, they are somewhat easy to accomplish in a short amount of time. I am looking forward to checking these to-dos off my list all the while sharing the process with EAD Living readers!

Do you have any tips or recommendations for completing my to-dos? Are any of your New Year’s resolutions decor-based? What are your goals for your home in the new year?

*Could this be why I am so freaking out about our house looking nice? Why, yes it is! She and I have different, yet similar tastes and are both very opinionated, so the curtain process should be interesting.

Nope.  I’m not talking about that list of qualities your fairytale in-laws possess in your dreams… You know, the dreams where eating organically isn’t considered “hippie” and you and your mother-in-law share the exact same tastes and shoe-size?  No?  Just me?  Humph.

I’m talking Christmas Wish Lists + The In-Laws… i.e.: Sticky Situation in the Making, right?

Telling Evs’ parental units what I want for Christmas continues to be awkward for me… This is definitely one of those aspects of marriage that I never considered when we got engaged.  Last year, I was overwhelmed by the generosity of his mom and dad.  However, while I do love a pretty package under the tree with my name on it, if it were 100% up to me, I wouldn’t make any specific requests from my new side of the family for the holidays.

However, my Mother-in-Law insists upon the submission of a Christmas Wish List prior to Halloween.  Yep, we have an Early Shopper on our hands.  Which, kudos to her – I always find myself, eight days before Christmas, circling the mall parking garage aimlessly, stalking exiting shoppers for their parking stops and beating my head against the steering wheel in time to Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.

Ahem.

Anyhoo, as instructed, I recently submitted my In-Law Wish List.  As always (”always” being relative since really this is my first year to have technical “in-laws” but whatever), I followed the Three Cardinal Rules of Gift-Requesting-From-Non-Blood-Relations-You-Don’t-Have-Sex-With:

(1) Lots of options
(2) Lots of price-points but nothing over $50
(3) No clothes (don’t ask me why – just feels weird)

Now, without further adieu… The In-Laws Wish List!

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A funny thing happened last week when I was in Boston for a conference. After finishing up my work as quickly as possible, I burst out of the hotel to explore the streets of one of my favorite cities. I found myself smiling at old places, mesmerized by new ones, and… shivering. Violently. My cute little jacket with the pretty lapel and two little buttons and no lining? Not really doing much of anything in the face of Beantown wind. But I pressed forward, committed to the task of reacquainting myself with my old college town, and simply walked faster to generate more body heat. Only, um, well…. my feet hurt. A lot. Of the searing pain and bursting blister variety. Those cute “so practical!” heels on my poor feet? Boston was laughing at them. Actually, between the tiny jacket and impractical shoes (with bare feet inside them, of course) that I was sporting in America’s best walking city, the natives were all but pointing at me and laughing. And I used to call myself a Bostonian…

What my wardrobe debacle brought up for me was how much I’ve gotten accustomed to the climate and way of life in Dallas. I lived in Boston for six years, but did it ever occur to me to pack a wool coat or gloves for my trip? Nope. Did I pack even a single pair of flats in my suitcase? Nope. Why this matters is that we’ve set our sights on the Northeast as our next stop on the newlywed train. That means my closet full of fun, lightweight dresses and shoes unfit for a walking city are going to start gathering some dust. Time to take a refresher course on all things boots, tights, layers, and coats. I guess that means my cold weather footwear fantasy will have to substitute these:

For these:

Tell me: How has your wardrobe adjusted with big moves over the years? What do you miss about your old look, or look forward to about your next one?

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking of course (cough, cough), that you were a complete idiot and lost your engagement ring.

Thankfully the insurance gods smiled down at you and accepted your claim. Now you have a pocket full of money and a shit ton of options as to what to do with it.

Would you…

A. Create an exact replica of your lost ring? Why?

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Hi everyone! My name is Maggie, and I’m thrilled to join the ranks of fabulous women over here on EAD Living!

If my mug over on the right looks familiar, that’s because I recently recapped my May 2009 beach wedding for EAD Weddings. (Do campaign logos, red and blue patterns, and DIY crafts galore ring a bell?) I also hang out full-time at The Freckled Citizen, so you might know me from that red- and blue-splashed site, too (what can I say, old habits die hard).

Now that wedding madness is behind us (although admittedly, we have yet to print a single wedding photo… not quite sure what we are waiting for!), I’m a busy girl. There are work demands, sure, but there’s also kitchen adventuring, weekend getaways, girls’ nights out, and that ever-present question: What’s Next?

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(image via Flickr)

A few weeks ago, my husband went on a business trip for a couple of days. I was dreading sleeping alone again; J hasn’t been deployed in quite a while and I’ve gotten used to spooning before we drift off to dream world.  To my surprise, the first night he was gone, I had the best sleep that I can remember having in a long time. It was one of those sleeps where you wake up in the same position in which you fell asleep. I didn’t toss or turn or wake up in the middle of the night. I experienced a blissfully deep slumber. Was it because I was alone in the bed?

According to a recent study by Dr. Neil Stanley at Surrey University, sleeping in a separate bed from your partner can be beneficial to your relationship and to your health, as sharing a bed can lead to harmful sleep disturbances. “Poor sleep is linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders and accidents,” says Dr. Stanley. Plus, if you’re tired, you’re more miserable, he explains, and that can lead to divorce. Divorce caused by sharing a bed?!

Unlike this writer’s husband, J has never unintentionally punched me in the face in the middle of the night. However, he does sleep smack in the middle of the bed, leaving me with less than half of the mattress’s surface area to claim as my own space. He radiates heat in the summer and steals the blanket in the winter. But he’s the best at cuddling before we fall asleep and the first person I want to see when I open my eyes in the morning.  So what if every night I don’t experience the best sleep of my life? I think I’d be more miserable if we slept in separate bedrooms — or worse, in separate twin or double beds in the same room. So near yet so far! Although there is something to be said for having a room of one’s own…

How does sleep affect your marriage?

At the wedding I shot on Saturday the DJ leaned over as I was signing the guestbook and asked “When are you getting married?” He inquired, of course, hoping that I was in the middle of wedding planning and looking for someone to provide some music for the big party.

Why would he ask this? Because my left hand still looks like this.

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Do I mention a lack of time in all of my posts? When I was pregnant and dreamed of being a stay at home mom, I thought I’d have all this time to make dinner and when my husband got home from work I’d meet him at the door wearing my high heels and beautiful dress with my delicious meal waiting on the table for him. The baby would be peacefully napping and the dogs will have been fed and snoozing on the floor. But I don’t live in Stepford and I’m not perfect.

After we got married, we were pretty much on our own every night for supper. I got home a lot earlier than my husband did and I was usually ready to eat well before he ever came home. He’d come home around 8:00 p.m. and not be too hungry, so he’d eat a bowl of cereal. Unless we went to a restaurant, we usually weren’t eating together. But when the baby was born, I wanted to make family dinners a priority.

I have cooked one meal since the baby was born. One. To my credit, our friends brought meals to us for twenty days after the baby arrived. We didn’t have to think at all about what we were going to eat. It was just there.

Now that he is two months old, it’s about time I figured out this time management thing. Now, I’m not going to say anything to stir up a debate about who has more free time between stay at home moms or working moms, but I will say that I’m busier than I’ve ever been in my life. My free time happens when the baby takes a nap. I know it will get a little easier as he gets older and is able to play more and entertain himself for a few minutes, but right now he needs me every second of every day.

Meal planning is the answer to my Stepford dream. On Saturday, I make a list of the meals that I want to prepare during the week and the ingredients needed for each meal. On Sunday, I grocery shop for everything I need and on Sunday night, I begin the preparations for Monday night’s meal. Having the necessary ingredients at hand is essential. I definitely don’t have time to zip down the street to the grocery store to pick up the green onion that I forgot.

Because there are only two of us, we can eat leftovers for at least one day. There’s no need for any food to go to waste. I’ve got a stack of some good recipes that can be split into two casserole dishes so one can be frozen for a later date. So while the baby naps, I get dinner started and I finish up when my husband comes in from work. As he progresses with his milestones, I will have a little more time to get back into cooking and will be able to move away from casseroles and back into fixing delicious pork tenderloin and fresh vegetables.

How do you make it work for your family? Do you manage to get dinner on the table every night?

A month later, the cat is out of the bag. I got married and I didn’t change my name. (*insert shock and awe *) I will come right out and admit that it I find it rather insane that in 2009, people still assume that I changed my name just because I got married. Honestly, in the last month I have found myself outright stunned by the large contingency of people who are taken aback upon learning that, no, I did not in fact change my name. How is it that such a thing is still somehow shocking, surprising, perhaps even a little taboo? As if retaining my maiden name somehow makes me less married than had I forfeited my name to take another. So, I’m just going to put it out there – no, I didn’t change my name. And honestly? I think it’s one of the best decisions I ever made. Not that this was a decision I entered into lightly. It was a source of great debate and personal reflection, but in the end, the decision was clear.

{Source unknown}

My great debate about whether or not to change my name was not something I publicly discussed nor blogged about before I was married. In fact, it took me a while to figure it out myself. I had a lot of mixed emotions at first, but in the end it was a surprisingly easy decision. I debated changing my name, but keeping my maiden name professionally. I debated taking my maiden name as my middle name. One thing I didn’t consider was hyphenating – it would have required far too many syllables for my taste. Ultimately, the only thing that felt right was making no change at all. So that’s what I did. Nothing. I have yet to have a friend get married and not change their name, most being outright gleeful to do so, and so I understand that this lodges me firmly in some kind of minority category. I’m ok with that. Ultimately, this was a decision I made for myself, in consultation with my then fiancé, and it wasn’t a decision that required the input nor approval of anyone else. Which, is good, because I haven’t received approval from very many people, most of my largely conservative family included….despite it being their name I was unable to part with. The irony, huh?

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