Welcome to the EAD Living blog! We are so excited to have you here. If you are a new visitor, we'd love for you to subscribe to our RSS feed and visit our sister site, EAD Weddings. Thanks for visiting and we hope you come back soon!

Not long after my husband and I were married I shared with you my reasoning behind why I didn’t change my last name and today I figured it might be time to share with you why I got married. I’m sure it seems pretty straightforward to most of you, but as it turns out there is at least some degree of confusion among people as to why two individuals might decide to get married. My reasoning behind marriage was pretty simple – I wanted to be a wife. While this may not seem like a shocker to you, allow me to clarify for a moment – I got married because I wanted to be a wife; I did not get married because I wanted to be a mother. At least in my world, the things are two wildly different roles, one of which I do not aspire to add to my list of credentials.

{Photo via Girls Just Wanna Have Funds}

Allow me to preface this conversation by noting that I love children, especially toddlers because they melt my heart, and I adamantly support my friends and family who have elected to make parenthood a part of their lives. I love and have limitless respect for women who chose to be mothers. (Thanks, Mom!) I simply don’t want to be one. Not now. Possibly not ever. Shockingly, in 2010 this is still an incredibly outlandish concept in most circles I run in so I thought I’d throw it out on the table so others who share my feelings can rest assured – you are not alone. There are at least a few of us running around out here in the wild who have no desire to be a mommy, despite society’s shock and awe at the thought of a woman not becoming a mother at some point in her adulthood.

So. Why did I get married? Simply put, because I love my husband and I wanted to spend my life with him. I wanted to be his partner, his confidant, his best friend, his biggest fan and his partner in crime for all the days of my life. In turn, I wanted someone to travel the world with, to grow with, someone to challenge me to do better, and to spend my days with someone whose very presence makes accomplishments large and small infinitely more meaningful and more exciting. In other words, I got married to share my life with him and in turn to share his life with him. It just so happens, Mike is the greatest person I know and I love him dearly so it only made sense he should be that person. I got married because I wanted to be his wife, partner, friend and coach. Becoming parents is irrelevant to all the ways we love each other and all the ways we’re committed to each other so while I can’t say definitively we’ll never be parents, it certainly played no role in if we got married. If we decide to become parents, that commitment will be a separate oath we take on the day we decide to go down that path. Until then, I’m no less of a wife nor any less of a person because I have no plans to become a mother.

With all that said, it has to be noted that six months into marriage I’m growing a little weary of all the people who won’t give up on their quest to beat us into submission with regards to their will for us to have a baby. I find it incredibly odd that before you’re married, most socially-adjusted people wouldn’t even think about inquiring about your sex life at every family gathering and social occasion, but once you’ve signed a marriage license all bets are off – your sex life can be mentioned, without fear of recourse, at will pretty much any time of day or night, regardless of the appropriateness of the situation. Honestly, what is with people constantly asking me when I’m going to have a baby? What if we were trying to have a baby and we couldn’t for some reason? Does anyone ever stop to think about how horribly inappropriate it is to butt into someone else’s plans, or lack thereof, to procreate? And, while we’re at it, if even one more person tells me that my “clock is ticking,”  that my “eggs are dying” or that it’s “your turn next” I might scream. No. It is not my “turn” – this is not a board game. This is life, people! Motherhood is not something you pick up on a whim while you’re out at the mall shopping, it’s an incredibly important decision that can only be made between the people involved, not an issue up for public debate. Life is not a democracy and you get no say in my decisions regarding reproduction.

I’ll save my laundry list of reasons for not wanting to be a mother for another post (and why, if I do decide to be a mom, I’ll probably be adopting), but for now suffice it to say that the motivation behind my getting married was to be married, not to be a parent. Whatever your reasoning for getting married, I support it, and I’d love if even a few more people could support mine. Oh, and while we’re at it, if you could stop telling me that I’m “young” and that I’ll change my mind it would be very much appreciated. Whether you like it or not, I’m not having a baby. Final answer.

(image via Flickr)

A few weeks ago, my husband went on a business trip for a couple of days. I was dreading sleeping alone again; J hasn’t been deployed in quite a while and I’ve gotten used to spooning before we drift off to dream world.  To my surprise, the first night he was gone, I had the best sleep that I can remember having in a long time. It was one of those sleeps where you wake up in the same position in which you fell asleep. I didn’t toss or turn or wake up in the middle of the night. I experienced a blissfully deep slumber. Was it because I was alone in the bed?

According to a recent study by Dr. Neil Stanley at Surrey University, sleeping in a separate bed from your partner can be beneficial to your relationship and to your health, as sharing a bed can lead to harmful sleep disturbances. “Poor sleep is linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders and accidents,” says Dr. Stanley. Plus, if you’re tired, you’re more miserable, he explains, and that can lead to divorce. Divorce caused by sharing a bed?!

Unlike this writer’s husband, J has never unintentionally punched me in the face in the middle of the night. However, he does sleep smack in the middle of the bed, leaving me with less than half of the mattress’s surface area to claim as my own space. He radiates heat in the summer and steals the blanket in the winter. But he’s the best at cuddling before we fall asleep and the first person I want to see when I open my eyes in the morning.  So what if every night I don’t experience the best sleep of my life? I think I’d be more miserable if we slept in separate bedrooms — or worse, in separate twin or double beds in the same room. So near yet so far! Although there is something to be said for having a room of one’s own…

How does sleep affect your marriage?

I know it’s not Mother’s Day, and it might seem a bit random, but as newlyweds who are nesting I think we can all relate to our mothers more and more each day. I feel like the more I grow up the more I understand my mom. I see myself in her with each passing year and although that used to frighten me, I’m proud of that fact now. I am beginning to appreciate all that she has done for me over the years and words cannot express my gratitude. Living 8 hours away from my mom is truly torturous sometimes. It’s little memories like the ones in the following post that make me smile and feel closer to her than physical distance allows.

The following post was written way back in January of 2008, which explains why I’m bundled up in a hilarious blanket. I think we can all appreciate our mothers no matter what stage of life we are in currently. And maybe this can be one of those things you tuck away in your brain to use with your ’someday’ kids. Enjoy!

We received a care package in the mail today. My Mother has always enjoyed sending me special things. In college, I’d get the best stress relieving packages ever right around finals—full of homemade cookies, funny quotes, and goof-off gear [ie squirt guns, silly hats, etc.]. She added little love notes to my lunch box every day in grade school. I’d find cute post-it notes applied to my mirrors saying things like, “Have a great day, babe. Love you, Mom.”

Of course, there were years that I despised my Mother just because that is what teenagers do. We hate our parents for being so….dumb, lame, uncool. Ah, how I wish I could retract all of the horrendously mean things I said to my Mother when I was younger. I take it all back, Mom. You are the best.

Anyway, I digress. We got a care package today full of goodies. Items include: a bling-tastic charm for Henry’s dog tag, a hand held game for Nate to play while I’m busy scrapbooking [or blogging, I suppose] and a snuggle dud blanket for my cold evenings, working on scrapbooks:

[note my very serious face in these pictures. The blanket is more like a poncho and it’s the bomb. I haven’t taken it off since it’s arrival]

And the best gift ever? A handwritten journal by my Mom, begun two weeks after my birth and continuing until I was eight years old, dedicated to me. It’s a fabulous shade of faded yellow corduroy with the 80’s floral pattern splashed across:

{Read the rest of this entry…}

Specifically in regards to the in-laws.

Although things have gotten better since our wedding, there was a time when every conversation I had with my mother in law ended with me in tears. It was very early on in our engagement when Mr. Mojito and I made firm boundaries with our in-laws. We are a team and we needed to act as such. In the end, those boundaries saved us.

When things would get really bad and I wanted to cave into my mother in law’s ridiculous demands, we would always remind ourselves of the all too common phrase, “When you give a mouse a cookie…”

I understand not everyone has a poor or even strained relationship with their in-laws. If you are one of those people, count your blessings. I wish I was as fortunate to have such a great relationship with my mother in law. Because of the hurt I felt during my own wedding planning process, I no longer want a close relationship with her. I wish it could be different, but I chose my own self-worth in the end. My feelings and my heart come first. It took me a long time to be fine with this decision, but now, I know it was a good decision for me to make.

Now, my mother in law no longer feels like she has the right to lecture, pass judgment, or offer her opinion unless it is specifically asked for.

I do hope one day I can look at her as a friend and not someone who caused me months of pain and heartache.

So…

How do you all deal with in-law issues. Do you set up boundaries? If yes, what kind of boundaries? How does your spouse or significant other deal with the issues?

If this post is too personal, please do not feel obligated to answer. I just wanted to hear how other people handled difficult family situations in the hopes that it may help my own.

{image c/o www.time.com}

I’m a Talker.  My husband, like most men, is a Fixer.

Let me explain…

{credit: Charles & Hudson}

Having discovered the wonders of therapy at a youngish age, and having spent one whopping semester as a psych major (I switched after deciding that Spanish Literature and Language would be oh so much more relevant to my daily life), I am definitely a gal that likes to vent.  While I’m not usually a whiner (at least, I hope I’m not), when I’ve had a hellacious day or something is truly bothering me, I like to come home, pour myself a glass of wine, and emote.

One of the perks of this whole “marriage deal” is having someone legally required to listen to your rants… or so I thought.  These days, its seems like I’m only a fourth of the way through my list of “Ways the World Wronged Me” before Evan has “A Plan.”  Then, all of a sudden, I’m updating my resume or signing up for a boot-camp or contributing more to my 401k, when all I really wanted to do was some cathartic bitching.

This is an interesting roll reversal as I am the one with the umpteen To-Do Lists and the calming yogi breathing exercises and the color-coded calendar and the “put on your big-girl panties and deal with it” attitude.  But sometimes those big-girl panties get a little snug and I just need to talk (and talk and talk) about it.  And that’s the point at which I feel like chucking my stemless wine glass at My Husband The Fixer’s noggin.

Don’t misunderstand – I appreciate the fact that I have someone who cares about me enough to want to make all my problems disappear.  And I realize that (infuriatingly) Evan’s almost always right – I would feel better if I did X, Y, or Z.  Additionally, I know from the grander, sociological (my other major – um, again, so incredibly useful) scheme of things, most decent men tend to be solution-oriented – so I can’t fault the Hubs for taking up the Fixer Man Mantle.

So what of my need to verbally dissect life’s little hiccups?

Long (Preachy, Self-Help) Answer: I’m discovering more every day that I’m a much happier person and a much better companion if I don’t expect my spouse to be everything I need all the time.

Short Answer: That’s what girlfriends and half-priced bottles of champagne are for!

I have had this conversation with several people and wanted to know your thoughts. I find that people are VERY divided on this topic…

Would you upgrade/change your engagement ring (either in size, shape, clarity, or all of the above) assuming you could pay for the upgrade with cash (i.e. no credit cards or debt) and both parties were O.K. with the decision?

Ponder and discuss.

Every week since we started dating, Mr. Mojito has given me a bouquet of flowers. Sometimes it is orange tulips, raspberry colored peonies, calla lilies, or cymbidium orchids, but this week he gave me beautiful two-toned roses, berries, and hydrangeas.

This is a weekly tradition I look forward to. It has even become a fun game between us. He never gives me the flowers on the same day so I am still surprised every time I receive them, and he always makes me guess what flowers are in the bouquet. Sometimes I am right, but most of the time he tricks me because he tends to create bouquets with very unique flowers (think dahlias, freesia, berries, and hiasynth). But the aspect I love most about this tradition is that it is special and sacred to just us.

So, this got me thinking….what special traditions do you are your loved one have? Is it going to weekly movies or dinners? Brunch on Sundays? Game night? Nightly walks? Cooking classes?

I thought it would be fun to hear what other couples do and maybe even get some ideas of fun, new traditions we could start.

I was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives and realized that the hubbie and are almost 100% identical to one of the couples (minus a couple decades and children).  So my question is, which couple are you?

Bree and Orson

image source

Lynette and Tom

image source

Carlos and Gabbie

image source

Kathryn and Mike

image source

Susan and Jackson

image source

We’re definitely Lynette and Tom!