In most cases- let’s say, 99% of normal engagements- our boys are less than thrilled about the planning process.
I thought it may be a nice topic of conversation to see, from a planner’s perspective, what matters and what doesn’t when it comes to getting your guys involved!
TO Involve:
Catering
DJ/Band
Photography/Videography
Planner/Coordinator
NOT to Involve:
Dress
Bridesmaid Attire
Color Schemes
Florist
Cake
Catering: Involve Him!
Why?: Because he’s eating it. Because He’ll care. Because it’s one of the biggest elements of throwing a “dinner and dancing” party for 150 of your nearest and dearest. After all, that’s what a wedding reception is: a dinner party with some dancing and guests of honor. So, to take a huge decision like the food and discount him [especially without asking], well… not so great. Plus, he may have a strong opinion about your bar package that you didn’t see coming! Unless by some unique and frustrating circumstance he cannot see the menu or attend the tasting, and he gives you the double thumbs up, try your very best to accommodate BOTH of your schedules to meetings that involve talking about the tummy.
DJ/Band: Involve Him!
Why?: This is the 2nd half of that party I mentioned above… dinner and dancing . So, well, it’s important. Plus, I think everyone has been to “that” wedding, with the bad DJ. A DJ or band can make or break your event. Chosing someone reliable, with experience, and who you are both comfortable in telling to “tone down” should you need to on your big day- THAT is what matters! For the most part, your man will care about some of the songs you chose to play at your reception. He’ll want it to reflect you two as a couple, your taste, your style, your love. Even if he’s not the mushy type, finding a time together to blow through a few DJ meetings [even back to back- better so he doesn’t feel over saturated and confused by the vendor meeting process] so that he can have some input in the selection process.
Photographer/Videographer: Involve Him!
Why: Because although you have been torturing yourself scouring the web looking for the perfect photographer and finding out more and more about their life and story via their blogs… he, well, hasn’t. And the price tag on an art like wedding photography these days- it may seen down right unreasonable. Meeting the photographer IN PERSON, talking with them, holding their album samples and seeing their work… for the good ones, this will be priceless. Most photographers’ art speaks for itself. Luckily, even! But more than that, the person behind the camera needs to make a connection, too. That connection will create a value worth much more than the sticker shock that wedding photography can induce. This is such an important aspect of your wedding, that it’s only natural his heart and mind play a huge role in the decision. The same goes for someone who is going to create your wedding video. I realize this is one of the “first to go” items off the budget [meaning, most couples say “eh, will I really watch this??” because their parents didn’t have a video, or they did and they didn’t watch it]. But these days, videography- cinematography- it’s taken to a whole new level. Should you have crossed a website that takes your breath away, makes you cry, gasp in awe… all for a couple you’ve never met or seen before, well- that’s art! It may be something that he [or both of you] takes some time to warm up to the idea of. But the longer your engaged the more important the idea of documenting this day in its entirety may become, and if you wait too long- those amazing artists will be taken already!
Planner/Coordinator: Involve Him!
Why: I know he’ll likely hate it, up front and right out. I think most guys don’t see the use of a planner until they turn around one evening and their loving, beautiful fiancée has frazzled hair, tear-stained cheeks [complete with mascara drippage] and little nubs where her fingernails used to be. It is STRESSFUL, the planning process. It’s fun, but it’s stressful. Since this seems like one of the first expenses to get eliminated from the budget [and the money put towards “better use” or bigger ticket items], a meeting that you set up with a planner will benefit VERY much to tag along to. He may think of questions that you hadn’t. He may be coming at things from a very different angle [financially, organizationally, or even statistically]. It cannot hurt to have him meet planners or coordinators alongside of you. Plus, from a planner’s perspective- we LOVE meeting him. Actually, we love meeting you both. Seeing you interact, seeing your love in person right in front of our faces… that’s how we’ll know you’re a fit for us. There are so many reasons that the meeting will benefit from the both of you being there, it just makes sense to do whatever you can to make it work.
Here’s my soapbox again:
Above all, let him speak his mind. It may be surprising. It may be just as you anticipated- but him being able to say it out loud to you may make the world of difference. Let’s face it: girls can be hard to deal with. Especially when it comes to large, personal events that we may or may not have spent our entire lives dreaming about. We take things personally. We have a vision. We tend to forget that our guys may have some thoughts on it all, too! It’s all about the little things- and those little things get narrowed down to one thing only: love. Listening to your dude, involving him in your wedding plans, minding his opinion and even allowing him to change your mind… THAT is love. Putting someone before yourself — even if only partially, only temporarily, only in certain moments [hey, we’re only human, right?]. I urge you to try it out! For the most part, guys feel pretty saturated [or over-saturated] with flowers, colors, bridesmaid dresses, linens…. That’s all “our world”, and it’s great! It’s fun. It’s exciting. The best way to balance it: involve him in the above, and leave him out of the other. Show him the FINAL decision. The florist you’re booking, the floral trial they made you, a picture of the linens you’re already chosen. You get the idea, right? It’s totally a “pick your battles” moment.
And more on that- even if your heart is ever-so-set on something for your big day, it’s about the presentation. If your mind is 100% NOT going to change- don’t “ask” for his opinion. It could hurt you, start a scuffaufle, or be confusing to him. If you’re mind is set, bring up the points WHY your decision is made and present it that way. As in “I think the black plates would work perfectly in our new place because we have that black trim on the cabinets- remember? That way we could theme the whole kitchen with stuff that’s black and blue, and we won’t even have to paint!”.
As Dr. Laura always says- you catch more flies with honey. I’m a firm believer. It’s your day to put it into practice!!
Some lovelies to looksies:
I am all ABOUT detailed wraps. If I ever branched off into floral design, I’d probably only personally take care of making the bride’s boquets. Mainly because it’s take me so long to wrap them. This was 2.5″ grey satin ribbon wrapped with white lace and then adorned with iridescent buttons and pins to affix. I heart it. SO big time.
These were the mother’s nosegay bouquets. 3 simple peony stems. Gotta love a June wedding- the blooms were HUGE. I tied with a flowing pink satin ribbon for effect.
Boutonnieres- or should I call them button-ieres?? These were the talk of the day! 3 simple mums with bear grass loops, tied fresh-stems. I don’t “do” floral taped boutonnieres. First of all, because I’m not so great at working with floral tape, and second because Martha [oh my Martha] always shows fresh-stem bouts and I’ve yet to go back in my heart on that style!
The bridesmaid bouquets were pink and lush. The girls wore Betsey Johnson dresses with ruffles and lace [1/2 in pink, 1/2 in blue] and the bride wore a vintage blue and lace prom dress adorned with a brooch. It was unspeakable gorgeous. I’ll see if Wayne Toshikazu won’t FINALLY get his act together for me and send me pics!! [What? A new baby is NO excuse to Amanda!!]. Kidding Wayne! :)
A few more of the bride’s bouquet and them I’m out the door:
That’s a wrap, guys! Love you all to pieces and I don’t even know you [yet!!]!
xoxo,
A. Auer