Hello, my dear EADers. Sorry for being a little MIA lately. This past month has thrown me for a loop. We’ve gone through the process of almost buying a house and then losing that house and then finding another one, all in the midst of the most intense period of wedding planning.
Needless to say, I’ve been hanging on to my sanity for dear life! But I’m in a good place and I wanted to share this that I wrote this morning and posted on my own blog about all the feelings I’m experiencing right now.
This is it. We’re one week out from the wedding. This. is. IT!
I know I can’t keep starting all my blog posts with “This is it” but you have no idea how hard it is to stay grounded in the present when you’re one week out from your wedding. Your mind keeps wandering to the bridesmaids gifts and will we assemble the programs in time and I need to write all my cards out and whoa.
Slow down, sister. Yes those are all important things to think about but let’s focus on the here and now. Let’s focus on the fact that in one week, one week from this moment, Andreas and I will be waking up together for the last time as “single” people. Let’s focus on how amazing that is. This is the moment. Right now.
I’ve had a bit of a rough time this week. Certain details not working out as planned, certain people not behaving as, hm, friendly as one would hope… but I’m trying to focus on what I can control. I can’t control everything that goes on. I can’t control everything that goes wrong. But I can control my reactions to those things. And the one thing that I absolutely cannot do? Is let those things put a damper on all the good things I’m feeling.
Like excitement. For getting ready with my girls. For putting my party dress on. For seeing Andreas for the first time! For taking our pictures around Boston. For being with my parents. For walking down that grand aisle. To my special song. For seeing all those wonderful people who have traveled so far just to bear witness to our vows. For our vows. That we have both so lovingly written for each other. The food, the cake, the band. Sheer merriment. For seeing a vision come to life and a shared life begin.
I want to focus on the wonder and the wonderful of all that.
I read a marvelous post on A Practical Wedding this week called, The F*ck It Moment. This post could not have marched across my Google reader at a better time. In it, Meg shares all the things that went wrong with her wedding. Like being late (shudder). And dropping the ring! (Well, that one’s kind of cute.) And a whole litany of other things that bothered her but in spite of those things? She had the best time of her life.
And she maintains that eventually, you have to have a “f*ck it” moment. Where you just say, you know what? I DON’T CARE. F*ck it. Well, I’ve had about ten of those things week. And as I commented on Meg’s post, I think I need to just wear a big “F*ck it!” sign around my neck for the next week.
I worry about things. I obsess. The tiniest wrinkles in plans have always, my whole life, had the power throw me into despair. But that’s just another example of how much getting married forces you to grow. Not necessarily up, but out. Expanding your understanding of yourself from within and then, how you fit into the puzzle that is, the world.
And I think, this is good. This is all good. It is only good. And wonderful.